are you still pregnant? why yes, yes i am.

So here I sit, Monday July 7, 2008, five days past my due date, with no indication that labor is on its way. My mother in-law has just left for the shuttle to the airport, having not met her new grandson. I had a handful of contractions yesterday, but they are hardly worth mentioning. I keep trying to take regular walks, drink raspberry leaf tea, eat spicy foods, and all the other good things that they say can encourage labor. I haven't resorted to castor oil, however, and will continue to refrain from that seemingly regrettable method of labor induction.

I am feeling less down than yesterday, so that's good. But the depression I'm still feeling is more than I expected. The truth is, I just can't help but feel responsible for his lack of arrival, and the anticipation from everyone (including myself) is so much to handle. I realize there is nothing I can do about it, and he seems to be as happy and healthy as always, but I am getting to the point where worry seems to be finding a permanent home inside my head. I filter out birth stories now for those that are considered "past due," and the percentage of induced births definitely seems to outweigh those that are "natural." I don't know if this is because the induction was really necessary, or if it was because the mothers and care providers were so eager, or perhaps just too worried to let the pregnancy continue. And then I started reading stories about prolonged pregnancies that ended in stillbirths. These were perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies all the way along, but they just didn't work out. I had never really considered this a possibility. Now it's just another little worry that has found a place to camp out in the back of my brain.

The truth is, I am not really "overdue". Seems more and more statistics I read indicate that the gestation period may be longer than the medical world usually figures. And of course, we cannot really and truly pinpoint the moment of conception (though I know enough about my cycle to know that we can't be off more than a couple of days). And I continue to read anecdotal and some statistical evidence that first-time mothers are usually past their due dates. But I asked my nurse about that, just to see what she'd noticed in her daily practice, and she said she couldn't say that that seemed to be true. She said her first was late and had to be threatened with an induction in order to decide to arrive on her own. I read a lot of stories like that too. So is there something inside my mind that I can switch to trigger the start of labor?

The following info is based on misc. numbers and potentially faux statistics that have stuck with me during all of my reading. I don't remember where the info is from and I really don't even know how accurate it is, but here we go. Labor usually occurs between 38-42 weeks (Wednesday I will be 41 weeks). I have read that 50% of births happen during week 39 and 40. The thing is, I think those stats probably still include induced and cesarean births, too (so they probably happen by 42 weeks because the docs don't often let them go longer).

"One study found first time mothers gave birth on average 5 days over their due date and second time mothers gave birth on average 2 days after their due date. Most studies I reviewed suggested that first time mothers had longer pregnancies than women who had a baby before."
http://www.pregnancy.com.au/overdue.htm

I read there is the Mittendorf formula for calculating due dates, and that is
(LMP-3 months) +15 days = Due Date.
According to that, the due date would be Friday July 11.
According to a German doctor in the early 1800s, there is even a
formula for determining gestation length in the Talmud: "The regular
pregnancy from the day of fertilization until the delivery has a
duration of 270 days or 9 months, each month counted as 30 days."
(lifted from: http://answers.google.com/answers/main?cmd=threadview&id=233200)
By my count, that would be today.


The thing is, I am so very anxious to meet my little guy and to no longer be pregnant, but the anticipation doesn't seem to be what's getting to me now. The anticipation has now shifted to fear. Fear that something is wrong with me, or fear that something will go wrong with this labor and delivery, or fear that something will happen to him. It isn't rational. I am not very far past my due date, both he and I have continually been perfectly healthy at all our appointments. But so far I can't reason away this growing worry.