Show Is Up!

After a good night's sleep, I went to the gallery to sort out the projector problem and make sure the monitor got everything turned on ok. The gallery coordinator was there and it turns out the gallery recently acquired a digital projector that I can use for my show! So I switched the projectors and now the image looks GREAT. I'm very pleased. I also got my price list in the gallery, and schmoozed with some design guy who might be interested in my work (to buy? i dunno, it was kind of vague). Pricing artwork is a really awkward and difficult thing to do, but I decided to just price things cheaply for this show, hoping some stuff will sell. I'm not looking forward to figuring out how to store a dozen human-sized stuffed animals.

You can see a few more images at my flickr page. I will take more photos tonight and post them when I can.

I now plan to take a nap and work on my presentation. My defense is tomorrow at 2, and Wednesday at noon is my presentation/gallery talk. I'm scared for both of these events, but I guess they should be ok.

exhausted

all weekend has been setting up the show. i'm very grateful for the help i've had (thank you aaron, esteban, nick, and juan). i will tell you more about it, and will post more pics. but here is a sneak peek. everything went fairly well except the video projector died (and that has a nice long story to go with it too) so i'm using one that does not have a good picture at all, so i get to spend tomorrow hunting down a good video projector. oi. and tomorrow was supposed to be my day off!

anyway, here are a couple of images ...

My Good News

Yesterday was a very long day -- about a 12-hour work day, which is a lot for this mama to be. A good chunk of the middle of the day was more time wasted trying to convince my DVD authoring programs to make a looping DVD. Alas, around 8 o'clock, my friend Juan was able to save the day by lending me his Mac so I could use iDVD to make my avis into a looping DVD. THANK YOU JUAN! (even though he doesn't know this blog exists, ha ha). I am still grateful. He even stayed late watching the Office (British, of course) while I made all the DVDs I wanted to make.

In related news: I met with my professor last night. I asked him a few upfront questions, to which I received ideal answers:

Q. Are there any potential roadblocks or surprises I might encounter this week that might prevent me from finishing school?

A. NOPE! He confirmed that as committee chair, he would have given me ample warning if such a thing were a possibility.


Q. I told him I was really scared for the oral defense. Is there anything I should do to prep for it? Do I need to be on top of data and facts related to historical information that I reference in my "non-thesis" terminal paper?

A. NOPE! If I didn't spend several pages talking about William Morris and John Ruskin, I won't be expected to be an expert. He also said that the defense would focus mostly on my work -- what I've done over the past 3 years, how it got to where it got to, where I see it going now, what professional goals I have..
Most importantly, he described the oral defense as a FORMALITY!

Q. What do I do AFTER the defense?

A. I'm DONE!! He confirmed that after he signs the official form at the defense, then I can technically give him the finger and run out the door! (his example!!) Though in reality I need to submit a portfolio and stuff by the end of the semester, but that's not a very big deal!

So I'm pretty excited about all of that. Now I should stop blogging and make sure I get the rest of the stuff done for next week. I still need to revise my artist statement and do some last minute sewing. Plus we have some CAI work to do.

etiquette

So my sister and friend are going to throw me a baby shower! Or throw the little one a baby shower. Well, however you look at it it's super sweet and I'm not sure anyone has ever thrown me a party before so I'm very honored. But as I begin to think about a guest list, I realize I am not sure how etiquette works on this!! SO if you read this, please voice your opinion in comments, because I need advice...

Here's the deal:
At this point the plan is to do the shower here in Indiana. This is great for Aaron, my Indiana friends, and me, but not ideal for my out-of-state friends and family. Aaron and I have a number of close relatives and friends that we would love to have celebrate with us during such an event, yet in all probability they will not be able to attend. What do you think? Is it more rude TO invite or NOT to invite? Does an invitation feel like we're just looking for gifts? Does lack of invite come across as a slight?

I'm not so good at this social stuff!!

Happy Easter!

I stayed up late (for me these days that means past midnight) working on my paper, battling with MS word and their silly auto formatting stuff. I consequently slept in late to awake to a beautiful sunny morning with the birds singing outside and all of that. When I took the dogs out I heard a woodpecker but couldn't spot it in the trees.

Basically the rest of the week will be consumed with finishing the paper and exhibition. I can't imagine how next week will feel to actually go through all of the big events I've been working for over the past three years. In some ways it seems very anticlimactic, but we'll see.

The pregnancy stuff continues on! I feel bigger everyday, and I can feel him in new parts of my belly so that's always funny. I'll feel something closer and closer to my ribs and think -- that can't be him!! But it must be. Unless my other organs have learned to kick me too.

A note on sleep: I am a good sleeper. It's one of my skills. So far this pregnancy I wake up on average once per night to use the bathroom. From what I read about other pregnant women, I sure feel fortunate about that! I am by nature a tummy sleeper though, so converting to side sleeping has been a challenge. But since I can usually fall asleep nearly anywhere at anytime, I have managed to make the transition fairly easily (it now takes me maybe 10 minutes to fall asleep instead of 5) and I usually simply flip sides once or twice through the night. I have discovered that I will get hip pain, however, if I do not separate my knees with a pillow, and last night I seemed to get pain even though I was pretty darn sure I was using my pillow!! So that is frustrating. I folded the pillow over though to get twice as much pillow goodness and that seemed to help.

Other than that, things remain consistent! I guess I'm 25 weeks and 4 days today...the third trimester is quickly approaching. It's hard for me to imagine that I will meet my little one in as little as twelve weeks, and not much more than 15. That's not much time!

Spring?

It feels like spring!! I guess they are still getting snow in Michigan and they say we will get some tomorrow, but I think I'll call it a spring snow.

Here are some pics of Mabel and me enjoying the sun (even if it is a little chilly). You can see that Mabel was far too interested in the world outside and didn't want to pay any attention to the camera.

The End is Near (school, that is)

SCHOOL NEWS:
The end is near!! I met with my committee yesterday and I have lots of exciting "ps & qs" to fix in my paper, and one paragraph I need to sort of significantly rework. So with my slow way of editing, this will probably consume a number of hours. I wish I were faster working with text, but for some reason it is just a slow process for me. Unless I'm writing for this blog in which case I just type and ramble away, ha ha.

Despite these necessary editions, they seem satisfied with the paper and I might just graduate after all! The image above was used for my show card, many of you probably already received that in the mail. If you want one and didn't get one, then I don't have your address (so send me that and you'll get a card!).

I plan to show work from the past two years. I am now going to use the big gallery so my collaborative art group can do an exhibition in the small gallery, but I think I have found ways to fill the larger space. We'll see how it goes. I set up a week from Saturday. Shall I remind you that after the week of my show I am essentially DONE with graduate school?? AND I will be entering the THIRD TRIMESTER that week too. I should consult my astrological chart and see what's going on.

WORK NEWS:
Things are fine at work. I took the day off today because last night I just felt completely worn out and the prospect of getting up to go to work seemed too daunting. I think I'm spoiling myself a bit, but with all I've got going on, who cares. After my show is done, all I'll really be doing is my job at the archives, so they will have all my energy and attention (except for that minor detail of my first born child).

Last night we had this funny reception for the exhibit we have been working on in the archives. I should have taken pictures. That's what good bloggers do. Anyway, it was definitely an academic pat-ourselves-on-the-back sort of ordeal, but it was nice. I had to leave early because I have a million things going on, but I did make my obligatory appearance. I feel so weird at those departmental work things, because I don't know anyone beyond about five people I work with daily. I am student worker there, though I've been there for nearly two years, and I continue to feel like an outsider looking in. If they hire me on after school, I wonder if that will change.

HOME NEWS:
Aaron is leaving me. Well, for the weekend, I mean. I think he'll come back. He takes off this afternoon to spend Easter with his Grandma in Cleveland, and his sister from Michigan is going there too. So that will be nice for them. He tried to convince me to go but I just have too much going on right now to take up this valuable weekend. I need this weekend to finish making things and editing papers and all of that, because next weekend I'm installing the show -- yikes! So maybe it's good that he will be gone and I won't have a car so I'll pretty much just have to lock myself in and WORK. Well, that's the plan anyway. I think I'll be fine on my own, but I have noticed that if he's gone for long stretches of a day I get really depressed, so that's annoying. I consider myself a pretty independent lady (despite the fact that I've been dependent on this guy for many many years), so the "my husband is gone" depression seems to make me feel worse because then I get frustrated with myself for feeling that way! Somehow I think I'll make it through the weekend though :)

PREGNANCY NEWS:
No news is good news I guess! The little one has been moving more frequently, so that is always comforting. But I still realize there are days when he seems much more active than other days, and I wish I could figure out why. The band practiced here they other day, and he sure wriggled around during all the loud noise! He seems to really respond to the bass :) So I guess if I get worried that he's not moving much, it's time to plug in the bass (forget cold water and ice cream!).

I do still feel contractions, but they aren't regular, and it does seem to be more noticeable if I am engaging in some sort of physical activity, if I am tired, or stressed -- that sort of thing.

My belly is getting bigger every day, and I am officially undeniably to the point where strangers recognize "my condition". Last night someone I had just met at the reception commented on how it looked as though I wouldn't be partaking of the wine that evening, but that I should enjoy the snacks. I find it funny too how when I see other pregnant women I want to run up to them and be like "HI!! I'M PREGNANT TOO!!", but luckily for them I resist the urge. Last night I talked to a fellow pregnant gal at the reception thing and was finally able to fulfill this secret wish and it was awkward as h*ll, ha ha, no, it really wasn't the bad, but those things always make you feel like a social weirdo anyway.

I do sometimes feel very very different. Fundamentally different. I guess that makes sense, but it's still weird to go through. I think it's really just these transitions lining up at the same time: end of school, beginning of motherhood. Lately I just have been feeling sort of isolated, which I then seem to try to manifest physically by choosing to stay in instead of going out with friends and stuff like that. I feel like all I have to talk about is the end of school and being pregnant. Like these are the only two things I can contribute right now, and they are two very self-oriented things. I also can't or don't like to do some of the things that my single and non-pregnant friends like to do. It is all very natural to go through this, I guess, but it doesn't mean it doesn't feel weird. I think I'm particularly sensitive to it because of the additional stress of school ending. It all scares me a little, though, because it makes me wonder if we rushed into this parent stuff. Yet I also only feel this way when I compare myself to others. I never feel this way when I just assess my life, my values, my goals, and my priorities. And it doesn't change the fact that I am a mother already, I can feel it, even if I don't know how to be a mother yet.

With that, it's time to be a student again... I'm sure I'll post a lot this weekend since I'll be home alone with nothing but work to do. And who wants to do work??

he grows...i grow...

Here are some belly pics taken today: 24 weeks and 6 days (The previous one was taken at 23 weeks and 1 day.) Sorry they are blurry. We thought we could pull it off without the flash, but today has been overcast and rainy.

No pregnancy news. Contractions are not nearly as much as yesterday, but I have felt a few. I need to keep drinking more fluids, for some reason that's sometimes hard for me to do. Anyway, I'm still completely confident that it is all normal. I'll let you know if the worry sets in. The little one has been moving a lot today, and that's always fun.

School and work are more what's going on. I have finished my artist statements, but I should revise them. I meet with my committee on Thursday to talk about the writing. A lot of my committee members seem to be blowing me off a bit these days, but I figured if they aren't worried with how I'm doing I shouldn't worry. But of course worrying is what I do best! I got some comments from one of my profs on how to improve my paper, and those were helpful, so after I meet with the rest of them on Thursday I'll be implementing those changes.

Today I also talked with my boss's boss and she mentioned how she was sad that I would be leaving and it would be a mistake for the department to let me go and she's been looking for positions for me. So nothing is for sure, but it's still sounding pretty promising!! I of course want to have as much time at home with the new guy when he arrives, but I also need to figure out how to pay the bills. I will just try to keep as many options open as possible and figure it out as it comes. Pregnancy is a lesson in patience.

i didn't understand -- could you repeat that?

This morning I woke up with HIP PAIN!! I have read of this happening, but have had none so far so was optimistically believing I wouldn't have any at all. It might just be a fluke. We'll see. I use a body pillow (thanks dad!) and may just need to take other people's advice of MORE pillows! Though with two dogs a husband and the pillows we've already got (not to mention the growing belly) space is getting tight, heh heh.

Between 11 and 12 at night the paranoia kicks in. As it approaches the time for me to get to bed, I start to get one or more of the following: Depressed, Anxious, or Paranoid. Last night, I was feeling more contractions. They still hadn't gained in strength, duration, pain, but *maybe* they were gaining in quantity. What if something was happening and I was just assuming it was ok?? But I am proud to announce that I read that dehydration could lead to more of this tightening, so I drank a few cups of water and that almost immediately seemed to feel like things were relaxing (could have been psychological, but I'll take what I can get!) and plan to keep well-hydrated and I think I will be A-Ok. So far this AM I haven't felt any contractions -- and remember: it's normal to feel some, it just seemed like I was feeling a lot all of a sudden.

Anyway, all of this makes me think about how my body seems to have developed a whole new language. My body and I have figured out how to communicate fairly well over the past 28 years, but now it has learned new words that I don't seem to know yet. It doesn't seem fair, but I guess over the next three or four months it will make itself loud and clear.

P.S.
I think I have successfully changed my settings so that anyone can post comments (don't have to be "registered") and the boy has been kicking a lot this morning, so I am going to assume he is trying to say hello to all of you.

school, pregnant, school, pregnant, school...

Well, I guess I'll post. I just got up from another marathon nap. I have been taking these monster naps in the afternoon. I think they probably don't help me get more awake because I sleep too long. But it seems when I fall asleep I just keep sleeping and it's hard to get up. I guess I might as well take it while I can get it.

To let you know, my clothing experiment was not the grandest success! I have not entirely given up, but for now I think I'm gonna stick with modifying instead of working from scratch -- this has proven more successful. In the meantime, I did have some success with some relatively cheap and stretchy empire waist shirts from one of those tacky teen stores in the mall. sweet.

I'm trying to get myself back to work on school stuff. It's hard to believe that this is my last semester! It's pretty cool though, that despite whatever happens these next few weeks, I will be done. Done! And that will be that. Wait, unless they don't pass me. What if they don't pass me? No, I think they'll pass me. I don't think my committee chair would fail me without ample warning. Would he? Ahh, grad school. Living on the edge.

So to those of you wondering how it is to juggle graduate school and pregnancy? Ok. I think it is Ok. I, however, have been pretty fortunate that my trimesters and semesters have lined up pretty well. I was pretty worn out from the first trimester nausea and exhaustion at the end of last semester, so that was a little rocky. But I guess no one seemed to notice. I just sort of ceased to have any kind of social life. Then I had winter break to make the transition from 1st to 2nd trimester. Then this final semester is really all 2nd trimester, and they all say it's the easiest of the three. I won't begin my third trimester until after my show. Or maybe it's the week of my show. Something like that. I always forget the weeks. I think I'll be 27 weeks the week of my show and thus will reach 7 months pregnant the week after. Wild. Oh, and the show thing -- I'm in grad school for art, so the end of my school culminates in my final show complete with reception, lecture, and oral defense. It will be one action-packed fun time. yee-haw.

I have been feeling pretty good physically, as of late. I have been experiencing what I believe to be contractions. I wouldn't have thought I'd feel them so soon, but from what I read they are going on all the time and you sometimes feel them and sometimes don't. They aren't painful, they aren't increasing in duration, strength, quantity, or anything else, so I am not in panic mode. The contractions are just a funny tightening sensation in the abs. It is sort of cool though, to continue to think of my body with a mind of its own, doing this stuff I have no control over and little idea about. Go body!

Mentally on the other hand, I've been feeling a little loony. Ordinarily I pride myself on remaining pretty stoic and level-headed with the emotions. I guess being pregnant is allowing me to become a more understanding and compassionate person, ha ha, because I now see that when your emotions decide to take you for a ride, sometimes all you can do is wait. But I do feel bad for my husband who seems to have to ride along side me! I keep telling myself that once the show is over, I will get to be a little more level-headed -- right? please? maybe? Aaron (husband) assures me I'm not really being crazy, but I'm not convinced...

Latest news on the post-baby job front: So far I will be unemployed come July. My contract through the university is through June (I don't know how this baby managed time to time himself so conveniently), and I want to take off as much times as I can, but it's hard for us to know how long we can afford that. It's a student job, so I can't continue working in the same position since I will have graduated. They would like to keep me on, but that means making a new position for me, and who knows how that will go. I like my job though, and I hope something works out. I work in archives and digitization, and there are lots of fun little things I get to do from time to time. We'll see how it goes. I have a couple of other up-in-the air opportunities. Or maybe not working (for pay, because I know that mothering will be an absurd amount of work that I cannot yet fathom) will give me time to pursue my own stuff, like art and the store.

Speaking of the store! To end this long and rambling post, I want to say check out the new links! (which I'm about to add, so if you see this before the links show up, patience please.)

Ok. I'm out. I have now officially woken from my sleepy nap head and will get back to writing artist statements. yay artist statements.

My New Shell

Ok, so I'm posting already!! Told you this pregnancy stuff is all I think about. Ha ha.

So the thing is, I finally have to confront the fact that my body is changing. I didn't gain much if anything during my first trimester. And then all of a sudden I had this belly that seems to grow every week if not everyday. That might not be such a big deal if everything else wasn't growing just a little bit too!!

Ok, so I guess I've been a little free with the eating. Well I've never been *that* healthy of an eater. And I've never been that great at regular exercise either. Sigh. And with the pregnancy, I haven't really changed my habits too much. I should change my habits, but that doesn't change the fact that my body is designed to grow in new ways to nurture my developing child, and I guess growing it finally is. So I must confront the inevitable: Maternity Clothes.

I have lucked out with a few Goodwill finds and a few hand-me-downs from friends, but for the most part, I can't find any maternity clothes that are the same price or less than what I normally spend on clothes and close to something I would normally wear. And none of them fit right anyway. It's hard enough that your physical self is taking on a new identity, now you have to put on a new and unrecognizable shell on top of that. And that's not even taking into account the new identity you're dealing with internally! Ah, what's a girl to do?

Make her own clothes.

Well, it's an idea anyway. I've been sewing for a long time, but I usually make toys and objects. I have never been too good at making apparel. Last night I modified some old jeans so that they could accommodate my growing belly and a*s, and that went ok. Tonight I venture into the world of making from scratch. I'll let you know how it goes.

FIRST POST!

So I think I've tried to do blogs before, and I don't think I ever end up posting more than a couple of times. Maybe this one will be different??We'll see.

First off, I want to say that I think I'm doing this because I've grown obsessed with my cousin's baby blog! This is my first pregnancy, I don't have any close friends who have been pregnant, and I don't have any immediate family who've been pregnant either! So I spend lotsa hours scavenging the net and printed materials for all the info I can soak up. What I've really enjoyed lately is finding personal pregnancy and birth stories. Each one of us is going to experience this crazy thing in our own way, but it seems so remarkably comforting to hear what all of you other ladies are thinking and feeling as you go through it. So credit to the cousin -- her blog is in my links (my only link at the time of this first post), and here it is again: A Bun in the Oven

The situation:
I am now 24 weeks and 2 days pregnant! That means I am well into the second trimester. So I feel obliged to give a quick rundown of the journey thus far:

1. Getting pregnant sometimes works the way it's supposed to.
2. Morning sickness can happen anytime. Ok, all of you pregnant ladies know this, but I certainly didn't know it before I became pregnant! I was nauseous in the evenings mostly, and super exhausted, sleeping whenever I didn't have to work. BUT this only plagued me for a couple of weeks or so. I feel I got it pretty easy when it came to the sickness. Also helps a lot to have an amazing husband who made sure everything functioned without me, heh heh.
3. The way those crazy doctors count it you are actually pregnant for MORE than 9 months!! Another thing I would have thought would be common knowledge...
   
4. Digestion when pregnant becomes a whole new experience. All I can say is thank you Activia. Seriously.
   
5. First ultrasound was at 8 or 9 weeks. It was amazing. More for my husband maybe since I was a little bit distracted by the procedure!
   
6. I had relief of nausea and exhaustion right around the transition from first to second trimesters. Actually, I'm still tired more than I want to be. But I think I'm always that way.
7. I felt fat from about week 9 on. Kept wondering when the maternity clothes would become necessary. Belly began to peek out around 4 months I guess. But I can say I have a legitimate pregnant belly now that I've reached 6 months!
8. We live in a rather rural Indiana town and the health care options are, shall we say limited? Nevertheless, somehow I lucked out with a great doctor, and though the medical system continues to baffle me, I'm happy with the care I'm receiving.
   
9. The 20 week ultrasound was probably the most amazing experience of my life. Somehow this little flicker of a heartbeat turned into what I could see was a baby. We decided to find out the gender and that made a huge difference to us. I am carrying a little boy! The extreme maternal devotion I felt from that moment onward is sort of indescribable (though I'm sure I'll take a stab at it at some point with this blog!).
   
10. For me, mood swings have been the toughest part of the second trimester.
11. Realizing which movements in my belly were my little guy was a pivotal moment.
12. My husband felt our baby move for the first time just a few days ago. Another big step!
13. I SAW my belly move for the first time just the other night. Now that was crazy too.
    

Ok, I think that brings us up to date. I'm gonna go try to get some work done. I will post again soon I'm sure, because of the fun of the newness of this blog and this pregnancy stuff becomes an obsession pretty easily.

If anyone comes across this blog and wants to share some of their pregnancy stories, please comment-away!!