So much to write! It's been so long! But I don't really feel like it. Sorry. I am now a bad blogger.

Things are good. Semester is ending. I've actually had time to sit on my couch and read! So nice!

Sam updates: He's big. He's 17 months old. He's silly. Sam's favorite things: balls, butterflies, ladybugs, dogs, cookies, and the Who. His favorite foods are mandarin oranges and sugary things. He's a good eater though, will happily eat carrots, asparagus, broccoli, and peas. He isn't yet talking, but will say "baba" to get us to put on the scene from the Who documentary where they cover "Barbara Ann". He does say "bye" of course. But he signs a lot. He signs: Sleep, water, orange, apple, cheese, cookie, ball, play, shoes, dog, book...I think there are many more I'm not thinking of. He is a happy guy. We are getting back to a good sleep schedule. He seems to pretty much have moved to one long nap a day (2-3 hours) but it varies. AND we are weaned! Or weaning anyway! Sleep at night is much better. He starts in his crib for a few hours. Then wakes because it was a normal feeding time. Sometimes he has a snack, usually we just cuddle him and he's back to sleep. The first or second night we cut out breastfeeding he slept for like six hours straight! Which is incredible for us. So it's going ok. He still asks sometimes, but it has only been like four days so it's not like he's forgotten about it yet. All in all, good news!

So things are fun in toddler land. Next semester I will get to spend much more time with the kiddo and I feel great about that.

Well as he naps I'm going to do some more reading. I'll try to post more frequently, but no promises.

Thanksgiving Part One!

Tomorrow we embark on the toddler road trip. At least Meg & Juan will be coming along and can help entertain the kiddo. I'm pretty sure the days of a sleep-filled road trip are gone. We are off to Big Rapids to see the Erlewine family for Thanksgiving. Thursday we will take a quick trip over to Zeeland to see part of the Nemec clan too. So there will be lots of car time, but it will be ok.

Last year at this time Sam tried a tiny taste of pumpkin pie, but I was far too conservative to let him have more. I think he's very much going to enjoy this holiday focused on food. Let's just hope he doesn't go too crazy from lack of running around time. And let's hope he sleeps.

The semester is rapidly winding to a close. Which is great. I quit my beloved library job. I really have grown to like that job a lot. Great people, great environment, I like the work. But when it comes down to it, I am excited for the gallery job and the pay and benefits are too much to turn down. I could keep the library job and do both, but really then I'm choosing the job over Sam time and I'm sure not wanting to do that. Well, at the very least, I think that if this art stuff doesn't work out, I might want a job in public libraries. I will work my last day in December. My next job begins in early January.

Sam is doing well. The major teething pain seems to have subsided, so that's nice. He is sleeping better the past couple of nights. He still sleeps well in his crib for naptime, but come bed time he wants to be in mom and dad's bed, and often wants to be with mom or dad. Right now he's sleeping on the couch beside me. I am loving every moment I have him near so it's hard to complain.

Some cute Sam things:
He likes to "swim" in the tub now, lying on his tummy and kicking his legs. If I say "Sam, want to swim?" he'll turn over and start swimming.
If I say "Sam, go give Dad a hug" he will run to his dad and hug his legs.
Today we were speaking through the baby monitor to his dad and I was whispering and I whispered "Sam, come tell dad secrets" and he put his lips up to the monitor and whispered "oodleoodleoo"
He plays air guitar now.
He likes to cuddle a lot more now.
He will actually watch TV for a bit, not that we should be encouraging it.
He still prefers it if Meg is the one to chase him around with his pull toys.

Hello Blogosphere!

So it's been ages upon ages. I feel like I'm finally getting myself back. One of my classes is wrapping up, the other won't be long behind. Next week is Thanksgiving and I virtually have the week off. On one level, I'm feeling good and able to relax, on the other I have this terrible feeling of impending doom. Like it can't be right that I managed to pull off this crazy semester in one piece, so there must be something that I've completely overlooked, or completely screwed up or something. I'm just waiting for someone to basically come up to me and say you suck. Hopefully that won't happen.

In the land of the boy, things are going well. I don't get to see him enough. I miss him. We are off rhythm a lot of times because of it.

SLEEP
His sleep is all messed up again. We've been napping with him a lot since we are both severely lacking night time sleep, so he's getting used to sleeping just with us and doesn't like to sleep alone or in his crib. Plus he is doing some MAJOR teething right now. His first molars are pushing through, along with a few others, and it's so clearly bothering him more than previous teething. He even has taken to biting his hand. Poor little guy. And this definitely leads to restless sleep. In other sleep-related concerns: I can't figure out how to wean him. We are all in such desperate need for sleep that I will just nurse him so that we can get some sleep and plus, if he's really teething so much then it's not really the time to stop. But it seems it's never an easy time to stop but I'm ready to be done and it's becoming increasingly clear that he nurses for comfort and not food. Not to say that nursing for comfort isn't important, but I think he's old enough and I'm ready and we should just make it happen. Current thinking is for Aaron and I to finish the term, accept a sleepless week and just go cold turkey. Maybe I'll have to sleep in another room. I don't know. Suggestions? He's crying for me right now, but rather passively. I know I will soon give in and go get him. Because, well I'm his mom and I don't want him to suffer.

TALK
He doesn't talk yet. He pretty much said cockadoodledoo a few times the other day, and since then likes saying "oodle" or "doodle". He says "baba" for mabel and "ga" for clyde, so maybe he's been talking and I just am too particular. He seems to sometimes say mommom for me when he's stressed out and really wants attention he's not getting or something he can't have. Mostly though, he's signs signs signs. He has about a dozen or so words he signs, but his new favorite is "help" because it is so versatile. He will often want to do something not ok for a toddler to do, like, I dunno, grab that pair of scissors or whatever, and when he can't do it, he turns to me and asks for help. It is so cute and funny and a little bit sad because he of course doesn't understand why I won't help him. It was very sad though, the other night he was napping beside us on the couch and he grew restless and uncomfortable and started crying and was still half asleep and signed for help in his sleep. So sad. I do not know if it was a bad dream, or just wanting help from uncomfortable teething pain or what.

Well I think I'll wrap this up and go get the little cutie. He is so beautiful and funny and fun and we play all sorts of games and laugh and he loves to be chased. These are fun days that go too fast and I hate that I'm not around him more to watch it all.

Quickly.

mmm french fries. (he didn't really like the chicken nuggets)

So I'm super tired. I'm overworked, behind on deadlines, too much going on. Completely and totally back on coffee. Cannot wait for the semester to end.
But things are good.
Sam had a Halloween. Two hours before we went to a local Halloween party for kids, I threw together his costume: SAMZILLA!! Next year when he can actually trick or treat I promise to devote some real time to making him an awesome costume.
AND
We bought a new car! Well, new to us. A pre-owned Pontiac Vibe. I actually love it and it is the first time I actually feel like driving.
AND
A quick look at Sam's world:
He loves playing with magnets right now. He loves drumming. He loves playing fake guitar. These he loves doing while watching The Who documentary the Kids are Alright. He LOVES watching this documentary. He loves playing with cell phones. Loves playing outside. Loves to eat lentils. And veggie burgers. Cheese is still probably his favorite. Still isn't talking, but still signs. He is really getting the hang of running. He's really funny. He is very into the dogs right now. Loves to hug Mabel, and tries to call her to come to him. Tries to get close to Clyde, but Clyde's not interested. It's all very cute.

Good day, sunshine

It has been a lovely autumn day! So needed after a week of very chilly temperatures. Meg and Sam and I got to hang out and play in the grass, and it was just what I needed!

Thanks so much for your congratulations. I'm really excited about the new job. I won't begin until January, since I need to wait for my contracts to end first. I will probably go ahead and quit the one job I have the liberty of quitting, though I'm not looking forward to that. But really, the new job is about the same pay (maybe more) than what I'm getting from the three part time ones, and what my family needs more from me is time, not the little bit of money the job brings in.

I am still feeling swamped, and like I'm constantly trying to catch up. My work in all FOUR jobs (including that important job of being a mom) is suffering, and it is hard to feel proud of anything when I feel like I'm just doing the bare minimum to get by. But, I got myself into this situation, and it's temporary, so I will persevere, even if my lectures are a little sloppy and I have to ask for more help watching Sam. I wish that every mom (and dad) could stay home with their children as much as they want to. I mean, I know I'm happier having some work outside of the home (rather than none) but 10-20 hrs would suffice ;-)

Well, I guess I better get back to work.

Got it!

So Friday I called about the gallery job and they are officially offering me the position! It's an 11 month appointment (I think July is off) and 20 hrs/wk with salary and full benefits. Hours are flexible. Can even do *some* work from home. WOW!! Perfect mom job!

15 month musings

Back from Sam's 15 month doctor appointment!

I canceled my class today because my regular baby sitter AND backup baby sitter were not available. Meg was out of town and my friend's daughter caught a stomach flu (or maybe it was something she ate) so it didn't sound like a good idea to bring Sam over there. So -- day off. I feel weird canceling class but I guess this is what happens some times. I'm sure the students are happy to have a day off. And I guess I am too ;-)

So this morning, Sam went to the doctor. Everything is great! 24 lbs, 8 oz. 32 1/2 inches tall (though I'm pretty sure that's not right -- I'm pretty sure he's shorter than that), Head Circumference 48.5 cm. Head is consistent in the percentiles, weight is now around the 50th percentile, and height spiked up to something like 75 but I'm pretty sure it's inflated and it seems every fraction of an inch means a lot in the land of percentiles. I got some good info about diet and nutrition, even if I've already heard it a million times.

BUT there was one concern... Sam is not yet talking. No first words. He has said "bye" for ages, so maybe that counts? But other than that, nada. Not mama, not dada. He has made lots of different sounds, da, ga, ba, ma, la, etc and sometimes links them together, but not consistently and not often to communicate. Usually his verbal communication is: "ga?" sometimes "ga? GA??". He sometimes seems like he's going or trying to say "dog" or "ball", but nothing really identifiable yet. So, doc seemed a little worried.

HOWEVER, he is signing up a storm! He knows signs for: baby, water, bath, eat, hungry, sleep, ball, play, apple, dog, cookie, and is learning to sign for help. He learned "apple" in one day. He understands SO much. When asked, he can show me where his head, toes, belly, ear, and nose are. He can find my nose and my ear. He can look behind when I ask him to. He can find the light when asked. He can hand me a toy when I ask. He will sit down when I ask. He will find his Dad, the dogs, the guitar -- just so many things. So he clearly has receptive language down and he's even expressive, just not spoken yet. It will come. Our doctor thinks so too. She really didn't express this as a big worry. Just said that "normally" children are speaking at this point, so if he doesn't have first words by 18 months, she might refer us to specialists who can offer suggestions and just make sure everything is ok. Both the doc & I are pretty sure those first words will come by then anyway.

In other updates:
I might have the gallery job after all. I got a call on it but it wasn't like "we're offering you the job" it was more like "we WANT to offer you the job" and I am expecting to hear back from them. I think I'll follow up with them later today or tomorrow. Weird.

We had a lovely visit with my Aunt Sally!

I'm too busy. Aaron is too busy. I feel like my work is suffering in all areas. But we're surviving. It's only temporary. I'm enjoying teaching, just prep for lecture class takes FOREVER. I have some great drawing students this term.

These days with Sam are the best. I LOVE this age. He is so much fun. Though I miss the days of him sleeping in my arms, we have so much fun playing together. He loves books now. He has favorites. Picks them off the shelf and brings them to us or takes them to the bed or couch for us to read to him. He is learning to get off the furniture "feet first". He is funny. Has a great sense of humor. Loves to play all sorts of games. Is really into blocks. Loves kicking and throwing balls. LOVES to be chased by his pull toys. LOVES cell phones and electronic gadgets. He's neat. Every night Aaron and I comment to each other about how fortunate we are and how great life seems now that we have Sam. Even though we're too tired and overworked, our little guy makes it all worthwhile.

Fall

It is autumn! So nice! Weather is cool (sometimes cold) trees are changing, leaves are falling, we get to wear long sleeves. It feels nice.

I didn't get a call on Friday about the job, so that sounds like a big ol' no. I was pretty down on Friday but bounced right back on Saturday and am feeling ok about the rejection.

I am still super busy bouncing from one job to the next, but all in all they are going fine and I'm thankful that I'm only working full time until December. I seriously feel bad for working parents. It's hard to feel so divided from my son. I am not away from home THAT much, but I am away a significant part of each day and when I am home I usually have job stuff on my mind and my attention feels diverted. It's a terrible feeling. But I'm so grateful that I have more than a few hours each day hanging out with Sam. I really couldn't imagine getting off at 5 only to put him to bed at 8:00. So I'm glad I didn't get that full time library job. And I'm glad I didn't get the professor job in Indy. And I sorta think this job stuff is all working out the way it should. So maybe getting the gallery job wouldn't have been the right thing either. Who knows.

And finally: Some very fun autumn pics of the growing TODDLER!

Stuff

Let's see. I'm still crazy busy. I'm working full time, really, with my three part-time jobs. Aaron is full time too, with school and teaching 1/2 time. We're so lucky Meg is next door and we can pay her to watch Sam. Even so, we basically constantly trade off all day long as one goes to work and the other watches Sam. This is not the ideal situation. I think I'm happier working outside of the home, but I'm not happier working THIS MUCH outside of the home. I'm exhausted. There is no time to catch up on sleep. When I'm with Sam my mind is split and I'm worried about keeping up with work. The dishes pile up, the dog fur piles up. Things are not ideal. But it's temporary.

On the plus side, I am liking teaching more. Community college is offering it's own unique challenges but I like it. My drawing classes at the university are going great, despite a few awkward demos here and there. The job at the library is good but a little awkward, since I'm not there much and it's a new position both for me and for the library. But I like it. I interviewed for yet another job last week. It's the part time gallery coordinator position at the art school. The one I applied for last year but didn't even get a call on. Well there are new people in charge and I learned some tricks about how to get the resume through HR so I did actually manage an interview. It went well and I think I stand a chance, but I no longer attempt to predict whether an offer will come. It's definitely as likely not to as it is to and I am trying not to think about it too much. The problem is it's a 20 hr/wk job with benefits and the month of July is off so in my head it starts to sound like the ideal solution. But in reality I know the department and I know the job and it is never like you picture in your head. So who knows. It's a national posting and I was the first of three candidates interviewed so I am certainly not expecting an offer. I should hear at the end of the week. If I don't get it, it's fine. I have the library job year-round and I will most likely be able to pick up an adjunct class at one of the schools.

Sam is doing great. He's so smart. So funny. Does new cool things everyday. He can now sign for: ball, hungry, baby, bath, dad, play...he has his own signs for dog (sticking his tongue way out and panting) and I'm sure some other things too. He now likes to dip back in the tub during bath time, with his head in the water. He seems to love how that feels, lying in the tub. He kicks his leg like he's swimming on his back. The water is of course very shallow and I'm holding him the whole time, but he seems to just love this sensation and it's so cute to watch him. He also likes it when I blow bubbles with the soap. Bath time is lots of fun for Sam. He seems to also like the change in weather, as it's moving to fall. I think he likes the wind. We shake our heads and laugh when the wind blows our hair around. He gets around fast now and can just sort of run in circles for quite a while and finds that very amusing.

I swear I'll clear off picasa and post some new pics.

By the way, have you heard about the family who had their kids taken away from child protective services because they had some photos printed of their kids during bathtime? Wow. I guess I better be super cautious about Sam bathtime pics. Sheesh.

Bad Blogger

Sorry I've been too busy to blog. Also I still haven't cleared space on picasa to post new pics.

Sam is doing great though. He is learning sign language since he's still stuck on "ga". He can sign for ball, baby, and hungry! Working on bath and water now.

Quick update...

Things are good. Busy. Started teaching Art Appreciation this week. I think it will be ok. I start at the library tomorrow. Oi.

Grandma and Grandpa Nemec visited last weekend and it was a really nice time.

I think Sam is getting sick. I'm nervous. There is so much worry about H1N1/swine flu going around. Eeek. And I know one of my students had it. Sam started being super upset and fussy last night and has a little runny nose today. He is still happy and playing like normal, so I dunno. I'll keep an eye out.

I ran out of room on Picasa so no pics today. But I will buy some storage or clean things out and send more your way...

Our Sweet Boy

I love this video.

Today Sam showed me his head and his toes when I asked him.

His Grandma & Grandpa Nemec come to visit on Friday.

We're having fun.

Procrastinating...

Putting off doing the dishes so I thought I'd share some more pics, and now that I have the google video thing working, I'll post some better Sam walking videos.

It's amazing to watch him walking on his own. I just watch in awe.

Random Observations:

He will sometimes go to sleep without us in his crib like a big boy. Wow.

He's a cuddler these days. Loves to snuggle and give hugs. So sweet.

Sometimes he talks or laughs in his sleep.

HE WALKS!!!

So it seems we've hit a breakthrough! Sam has figured out that he can hold this little soccerball to help give him psychological comfort and a better balancing stance and he can walk!! Without holding on to Mom and Dad! Without holding on to furniture!
HE WALKS!!

See evidence here:




PLUS yesterday after battling and wasting time trying to get Sam to sleep, Aaron and I decided to give the crib another go. Some serious tears, and we had to wait by the crib for him to fall asleep, but he actually slept there! TODAY he has gone down for BOTH NAPS without a fuss. Who is this guy???

Our little man is growing up so fast.

Oh, and he sometimes even eats with a spoon! I mean, he holds the spoon and feeds himself!

See evidence here:




UPDATE:
Before I could get to posting this, Sam woke/cried/did not really fall asleep on his own. Now it's bedtime and he's trying to get to sleep on his own again. He's quiet. We'll see what happens in the next 10 or 20 minutes :)

Also, after initial writing, he walked on his own with out the crutch of the ball. It happens so fast!! It's so amazing. It's funny how this one milestone really seems to make you feel like your baby is now a toddler.

Now I'll try posting a video but for some reason the blogger video things never work for me...

Quick Job Updates

I've wanted and tried to post but things have actually been too busy for me to find the time!! 

I got a job offer out of the blue to work part time for the library (the one I'd turned down before but offered to work part time) so that's super cool. The pay ain't great, but heck, it's the public library. It's as Teen Services Coordinator. They are ordering me a laptop and cell phone and I get to develop this new outreach area of the library, working with local teens to create cultural events. So cool!

Consequently I have cut back to just one section at the community college so now I am doing: one class at the community college, two at the university, and then 10 hrs/wk at the library. Plus I am doing some volunteer design work for the local hands-on kids museum that is trying to reopen. I have a little too much on my plate right now. But it's temporary. Aaron and I have a complicated calendar now with blocks of time all over the place.

All I can say is thank God for Meg! So nice she's next door and is available to help us with Sam. So wonderful that we can leave him in good family hands when we both have to be away. This is still only like 10 hrs/wk when he is not in direct care of Mom or Dad and I still feel weird wondering whether I'm choosing work over time with him, but I may always feel conflicted because, well, that's how I am.

Also, the gallery director position is open again at the university. Several profs and people at school recommended me so we'll see if that goes anywhere. I can't do it right now, so that's a big issue, but it is a 20 hr/wk job with benefits and great experience. But recommendations do not an offer (or even interview) make so we'll take it one step at a time.

I'm very tired and should do dishes and go to bed. The semester starts Monday and I have 7:30 am classes. Eeek. I'm pretty well prepped but need to print my syllabi and still need to go over some lesson plan info. 

13 months old

Sam is 13 months old! I still marvel at how quickly the time moves. I don't know how much longer I will do monthly updates. Once we made it to the year marker I feel like a skills update post is silly to do every month. Yet I suppose each month still brings new skills and abilities, interests, sounds, and everything else.

At 13 months Sam still isn't walking unassisted, but he sure could if he wanted to. He just isn't ready to let go of our fingers. He will pull us around wherever he wants to go. I try to lead, but it's pointless because this kid is on a mission and he knows what he wants! I suppose that might be what parenting is -- thinking you'll get a chance to lead, but really you're just trying to keep up.

We're enjoying our summer days, playing in the water when we can, and exploring the outdoors.




Sam is speaking in sentences now, only all the words are "Ga". Gone are the days of "Gop" and "Gum", but now he uses inflection to make a "ga" series... "ga ga ga ga ga?" He really is learning about questions, raising the tone in the last ga as he points at something -- "dad will you take me to the window?" "mom, what is that over there?" He still says "bye" and other mamama sounds and dada sounds and such, but I don't know that we have anything that counts as a first word yet.

He makes other neat sounds. He puts his fingers to his lips and goes "shffhhpfhsh" because we play a game where dad and sam sneak up on mom or mom and sam sneak up on dad. He always giggles and gives it away, but he's got the "shh" idea down. He also does the "pfff" for the "woof" that a dog makes and a low toned "oooh" for the "moo" that a cow makes. he makes vrooom noises for his wheeled toys and airplanes.

He is rapidly getting a mouth full of teeth, the better for biting. Food and Mom and everything else. I had little tracks of bruises down my arm from his little baby bites. They hurt but are cute all at the same time. He bites more when nursing now too, I guess since the two big front teeth are coming in. Ouch.

We are starting to have to learn how to discipline, a stern No and such. He will sometimes pull my hair too hard, or stick his finger up my nose, or slap our faces as he tries to get our attention. Most of the time he is a calm, quiet, sweet, and precious fellow but the wild child is revealed every once in a while.

He is now more than ever aware of others and his audience. Will repeatedly do something cute that when we shower him with cute "awwws" and will repeat funny faces and movements. One super cute thing he does is lay down and put his head on a pillow, tummy to the ground, head to the side, arms up by his head, cute smile. It's adorable. He is also afraid of people he doesn't know now too. He doesn't like to be held by just anyone and won't necessarily take your hand or touch you if he doesn't remember who you are. I suppose that's a good thing but it is sort of sad since he's been afraid of some good friends of ours, even those that we saw every week or two.

In the other areas of our lives, we are still sad to see the summer go. The semester begins August 24th and it looks like I will be teaching four classes total -- that's a lot! So I'll be working full time but don't have to be away from home for much more than about 25 hours, so that's good. It will be busy and we are so glad to have Aunt Meg next door to help take care of Sam.

End of Summer.

meow!

We are feeling the end of summer. The semester begins in just about three weeks. Eeeek. So we're trying to enjoy our free time while also trying to be as productive as possible before we get very busy.

This fall Aaron is in school full time and teaching two classes and I will be teaching a total of three classes. So we'll be busy. Meg will be helping watch Sam during our busiest days. I've been trying to get together my syllabi and assignments. Sometimes I'm really into this teaching stuff.

Also, I have a craft fair in Indianapolis coming up in October, and a solo show in November. So I need to be making stuff. I've started making baby and toddler hats. See one of my trial runs on Sam above. I like them! And they are super fast to make. A little derivative and not that unique, but cute and I think I can sell them at low price points because they don't take much labor. Most of all, though, they are fun and everything is fun if you have a cute little baby to put them on.

So, things are busy. But pretty good I guess. Here is Sam having fun on the playground.

OH: and walking update: He is not really ready to be walking on his own. He makes sure to grip our fingers tight so we can't slip them out of his little kung fu grip. It will come.

Talking update: He still hasn't said his first word, unless "Bye" counts. He does now try to make a "woof" sound that comes out "ppfooofff" and he also does a "shhh" with his finger to his mouth and that similar "pffff" noise when we are trying to be sneaky.

Working Mom

So we're figuring out our schedules for the new academic term. I have agreed to adjunct at the community college, and I had applied and interviewed for an academic advisor job (part time). I SOOOO wanted that advisor job, figuring it was reliable year-round employment and could be a great stepping stone into a career path of education administration. BUT ALAS, no call (even though I thought the interview went quite well). Sigh. Well the university has come through with a couple of classes for me, but two different classes (meaning three course preps in total). This would definitely be full-time work. Oi. I have asked to see if I can do just one of those classes. So I'd be doing three classes total, two preps. I think we could make that work.

While I'm still struggling to identify the ultimate career path for me, I suppose I am stumbling forward on one nonetheless. And I feel fortunate to have the opportunities that I do. But as I sit here questioning how to balance motherhood and academia, my friend sends me this link to this book called Mama, PhD ... read an excerpt here. This book seems pretty cool and I just might have to seek it out, if not for comfort than to commiserate. For now I will continue to stumble forward, one semester at a time, while I hope for the occasional "a ha" moment.

Family and the Big Lake

We went up to Michigan this weekend to see the family. My brother was in town (all the way from LA) visiting my dad, so we took the opportunity to get up there and see the whole crew. Sarah and Mike even were able to come up and join us! Saturday we walked, ate, and watched The Room (hmm). And Sunday we wanted to go to Lake Michigan but the weather prohibited such an outing. We had a nice time visiting indoors, and by evening managed to get in a walk and a nice dinner. Today, we left in the morning and stopped in Saugatuck/Douglas on the way home so that we could see the lake. Sam loved playing in the waves and the sand.

Please enjoy the photos from our lovely Michigan weekend!

Walking!

Sam took his first steps tonight! We were having a good bye party for our dear friends Nick & Ashlea (who are moving next week, boohoo) and our friend Nate took Sam under the arms and said "Shall we do some unassisted walking" And he basically let go and he walked!! We kept doing it throughout the night, letting Sam walk from Mom to Dad, Dad to Mom, Mom to Aunt Meg, etc etc. Right before bed he took about seven consecutive steps! It has BEGUN!!

Also, as a super cute side note: This morning he woke, rolled over, gave his dad a kiss and then gave me a kiss. Ahhh, bliss.

so sweet.

On a morning when Sam woke too early, couldn't sleep but wanted to, restlessly tossed and turned and cried until I nursed him, perhaps ever 20 minutes, I was pretty sure I was ready to start getting him to sleep in his crib. Then, once we finally agreed to simply get up, and we were still in bed, quietly playing and waking up, he crawled over to me and gave me a few kisses.


The documents the doctor sent home with us said that "sleep time is not bonding time, it's neutral time". I don't know. Maybe the actual sleep part is?? I'm not convinced. But the going to sleep and waking up is certainly bonding time. And if sleep time is not bonding time, then why do couples sleep together?

Happy Anniversary!

Just a quick post to acknowledge that Aaron and I have been married for SEVEN YEARS!
Yesterday was our anniversary and we had a very nice time blueberry picking with Barb, taking a long wagon walk and playing with a fountain on campus, and then Juan babysat Sam while we went out for Indian food. We ended the night by picking up some bargain bin DVDs, ate ice cream, and watched a bad romantic movie that we'll promptly donate to the library. I love you, Aaron! So nice to share these days together, and so appropriate to share our anniversary with our son. He is the embodiment of our love and partnership and that may never cease to amaze me.

One Year Doc Updates!

Sam is back from his one-year well-baby check up. He is doing great! Didn't get his vaccines because our doc told us of a cheaper (read: free) place to get them, but other than that she checked the normal stuff. He's a much smaller guy in some respects; here are the stats:

Weight: 23 lbs 12 oz (around 65%)
Height: 29.5 (don't remember -- maybe 35%?? kind of short)
Head: 48 cm (88%)

Doc said right now as he moves into toddlerdom he is finding his new percentile arcs to follow, so drops aren't anything to worry about.

Sam cried nearly the whole time. It ended up that we were there when he wanted to be taking his first nap, so he was on edge.

It is funny to me that at the doctor, questions from the nurses are posed in such a way as to suggest the assumption that we (as I suppose all other parents?) are using formula and taking our child to day care. I do not mean to suggest that either of those choices are bad choices, but it sort of makes me sad to think that they are indeed the more common or "normal" choices, or I suppose, situations. Though I'm ready to figure out how to cut back/out the nursing, I am so happy that I was able to nurse my son all these months, and I feel so very blessed to have been able to be home with him as much as I have.

Aaron and I are back to questioning sleep habits and are feeling like we should work to get Sam in his crib. It will be two weeks of rocky sleep and lots of crying, but it might ultimately be worth it? I'm sure we would/will both be sad to see the bed-sharing days end, but we both sort of feel like it's important for Sam to be able to sleep in his own bed. When the appropriate time is is always so unclear, I guess. For example, the literature the doc gave us said that if we are still bed sharing, we will probably share a bed until Sam is 3 or 4 years old. I think this is true, based on the stories other parents have shared with us. That doesn't seem like something we want. However, maybe that's actually a natural and healthy time and way for sleep habits to change? I don't know. We'll see. In some ways now seems like the best time to suffer through the two weeks of "sleep training" since we have time before the semester starts.

And for the semester: I guess I've confirmed and agreed to teach two classes at the community college this fall. I'm excited for it. I have that interview for the Academic Advisor position on Thursday. I would like to do both, if offered the second job, but then I'd be working full time. Hmmm. But the Academic Advisor job would be reliable and consistent and may even come with benefits. Hmmm. I could back out on teaching, but I don't want to do that and I would feel bad doing it. Well, once again, here I am worrying over what ifs when i do not even have an offer for the advisor job. So, I'll interview and take it from there. Hmmm.

Mothering.

Let's see. I haven't rambled about various concerns, observations, changes, moods, and all of that stuff in a while, so I guess I will do so.

As I write, Sam is finishing (?) a MAMMOTH nap that I joined him for for the first TWO HOURS. This most certainly will make the rest of the day a mystery. So I guess I'll begin on the favored topic of sleep.

Our one-year-old sleeps in our bed, still, exclusively. We haven't done much as of late to change that. I talked with Aaron about it not long ago, and he still wants Sam in our bed. We both like it and so far it's most convenient. I still worry about the big What Ifs...what if we have a four year old in our bed, what if he never stops nursing... But we're going with the flow. For the most part it works smoothly. He wakes, we have breakfast, take a walk, play, and then nap. Wake, lunch, play, and then nap. Wake, dinner, play, bath, bed. It's a flexible schedule but it makes sense and keeps us happy and balanced. Sometimes I put him down to sleep, sometimes Aaron does. If Aaron does, he goes to sleep without the boob. If I do, he almost always pulls at my shirt to tell me he wants to nurse. We have learned to nurse at this time so I unfailingly let him nurse. It is not that I am anxious for this stage to end. It is not that I think it is bad or wrong or even weird to nurse beyond a year, but I once again get worried about the What If...what if he doesn't naturally wean on his own? I guess at some point it will be clear that it's time to stop and if it isn't happening on it's own I will simply need to enforce it. We already know that Sam can sleep without nursing first, and Aaron can often be the one to put him down he might not associate sleep with nursing. But really the thing about weaning, I see, is that I guess I need to wean myself as much as him. Hmm.

Other than that, Sam is developing so great. He's becoming such a kid. No, he's not walking yet, but that can't be far off. He has pretty much mastered the one-handed walk and has bravely attempted a few steps without holding onto anything, though it pretty much is a lunge and teeter into Mom or Dad. He's making lots of sounds but not yet talking. Still using "Gum" and "Gop" and pointing at things to let us know what he wants. He has a sort of whistle he does too and sometimes sounds like he's singing.

I am enjoying my summer and my time home with Sam, but sometimes I get into traps of feeling too lost and so I take it all for granted. Sometimes I am content with my primary self being Sam's Mom, and then other times I feel like if I just immerse myself in that I won't know who I am once he's older. I still am not sure where I want to put my energy during my "free time". Free time is few and far between unless you organize and schedule it in. An hour during a nap, a couple of hours before bed. Usually I spend those times wasting time on the Internet, doing chores, or napping with Sam. If I am rested and the house is somewhat clean and back in place, I have been doing some sewing and applying for jobs. I have some courses to teach at the community college in the fall. The pay is minimal and it is kind of a far drive from our house, but I think the experience teaching for a different school, a different TYPE of school, and a different kind of class (lecture, not studio) is an important experience in figuring out whether I actually want to teach afterall. I also have an interview next week for a part-time academic advising position at the same school. I am excited about that prospect. 20 hrs/wk, reliable pay, and potentially a field I would really enjoy. The interview is with a committee of eight people though -- intimidating!!

I think that coffee make me depressed. I thought at first it was the crash after coming down from the caffeine but then I had some decaf the other day and I think it may have had the same result. I'll have to do some research on that.

After becoming a mom I pretty much gave myself a get out of jail free card when it came to diet and exercise. I was pleased that I got back into my pre-pregnancy jeans after about four months, and while I was teaching last semester I think I lost even more. This summer, though, the weight is coming back on since I'm home munching all day. I think issues of body image are so interesting in relation to motherhood. While pregnant and feeling like a whale, I looked at pictures of my pre-preg self and said that if I ever got to that size again I could never complain of being fat. That worked for a while. But now that my body is becoming more and more my own again, no longer a body shared between myself and my son, I am back to feeling a need to be skinnier and more beautiful. Sigh. I wish my motivation was just to be happy and healthy! But this after-baby muffin top is really a force to be reckoned with. I'm trying half-heartedly to eat better and exercise, but it's definitely a matter of baby steps.



Today, Meg, Juan, Sam and I went for a walk and played at the nearby playground. Sam loved going down the slides (held by an adult, of course). He is a happy guy. He laughs all the time. One funny thing he started doing is blowing raspberries on me. I would blow a raspberry on his little tummy and then he'd crack up and charge me and pull up my shirt and blow a raspberry on my stomach. What a goof ball.

Year One.

It's hard to believe that Sam is already one year old. Wow. Seriously, where did this year go?

A year ago at this time, I was in the hospital already laboring away.

At 4:55 pm our little boy was born. This picture is from the day after, though. Sam had just been named and we were probably listening to Sam Cooke.

I cannot imagine what my life would be like without my son, but I suppose I don't often try. Sam fills my life with such joy and purpose.

At one year, Sam is not yet walking, but he sure is working on it. He does not like to sit still. He crawls like crazy, pulls himself to a stand whenever he can, and cruises around the furniture as much as possible, always reaching up for a hand when he needs it. I remember talking to another mom when Sam was maybe five months old, sitting peacefully in my arms, and she commented on how her toddler was so "slippery" now. Now I know what she means. Sometimes he is happy to sit on my hip, but not for long. Pretty soon he flexes his legs and locks his knees and pushes out from me -- he wants to get down and explore things for himself.

Sam makes all kinds of noises and sounds but no clear words. I still don't know if when he says "mom" and "mama" if he is associating those sounds with me or not. He does "dada" too. He definitely knows "bah" is good bye.

He is working on three new teeth, for a total of six.

He likes feeding himself so much now that sometimes he gets mad and won't eat from an offered spoon. We are transitioning away from purees.

He is still breastfeeding. Not sure how to wean exactly, but I'm starting with not offering it. He asks now by pulling down my shirt, but sometimes it seems he asks only because he is tired and wants to take a nap and he associates nursing with sleep. But Aaron has been putting him to nap or to bed and he goes down with little difficulty. We still co-sleep, so I still find myself nursing when he wakes at night, sometimes as many as three times. Well, one step at a time I guess.

People always comment on how happy Sam is, and I guess I must agree. Rarely does he cry and fuss. He is so eager to discover the world around him that he's often happiest when around new people and in new environments. This is not to say he does not cry or get unhappy, because he certainly gets uncomfortable or upset, but he's a pretty easy-going guy, and I'm thankful for it.

Sam's Grandpa E. and Aunt Sarah E. are here visiting for the weekend, so pics will be coming soon of gifts and cake and other fun times.

We love you, Sam.