The End is Near (school, that is)

SCHOOL NEWS:
The end is near!! I met with my committee yesterday and I have lots of exciting "ps & qs" to fix in my paper, and one paragraph I need to sort of significantly rework. So with my slow way of editing, this will probably consume a number of hours. I wish I were faster working with text, but for some reason it is just a slow process for me. Unless I'm writing for this blog in which case I just type and ramble away, ha ha.

Despite these necessary editions, they seem satisfied with the paper and I might just graduate after all! The image above was used for my show card, many of you probably already received that in the mail. If you want one and didn't get one, then I don't have your address (so send me that and you'll get a card!).

I plan to show work from the past two years. I am now going to use the big gallery so my collaborative art group can do an exhibition in the small gallery, but I think I have found ways to fill the larger space. We'll see how it goes. I set up a week from Saturday. Shall I remind you that after the week of my show I am essentially DONE with graduate school?? AND I will be entering the THIRD TRIMESTER that week too. I should consult my astrological chart and see what's going on.

WORK NEWS:
Things are fine at work. I took the day off today because last night I just felt completely worn out and the prospect of getting up to go to work seemed too daunting. I think I'm spoiling myself a bit, but with all I've got going on, who cares. After my show is done, all I'll really be doing is my job at the archives, so they will have all my energy and attention (except for that minor detail of my first born child).

Last night we had this funny reception for the exhibit we have been working on in the archives. I should have taken pictures. That's what good bloggers do. Anyway, it was definitely an academic pat-ourselves-on-the-back sort of ordeal, but it was nice. I had to leave early because I have a million things going on, but I did make my obligatory appearance. I feel so weird at those departmental work things, because I don't know anyone beyond about five people I work with daily. I am student worker there, though I've been there for nearly two years, and I continue to feel like an outsider looking in. If they hire me on after school, I wonder if that will change.

HOME NEWS:
Aaron is leaving me. Well, for the weekend, I mean. I think he'll come back. He takes off this afternoon to spend Easter with his Grandma in Cleveland, and his sister from Michigan is going there too. So that will be nice for them. He tried to convince me to go but I just have too much going on right now to take up this valuable weekend. I need this weekend to finish making things and editing papers and all of that, because next weekend I'm installing the show -- yikes! So maybe it's good that he will be gone and I won't have a car so I'll pretty much just have to lock myself in and WORK. Well, that's the plan anyway. I think I'll be fine on my own, but I have noticed that if he's gone for long stretches of a day I get really depressed, so that's annoying. I consider myself a pretty independent lady (despite the fact that I've been dependent on this guy for many many years), so the "my husband is gone" depression seems to make me feel worse because then I get frustrated with myself for feeling that way! Somehow I think I'll make it through the weekend though :)

PREGNANCY NEWS:
No news is good news I guess! The little one has been moving more frequently, so that is always comforting. But I still realize there are days when he seems much more active than other days, and I wish I could figure out why. The band practiced here they other day, and he sure wriggled around during all the loud noise! He seems to really respond to the bass :) So I guess if I get worried that he's not moving much, it's time to plug in the bass (forget cold water and ice cream!).

I do still feel contractions, but they aren't regular, and it does seem to be more noticeable if I am engaging in some sort of physical activity, if I am tired, or stressed -- that sort of thing.

My belly is getting bigger every day, and I am officially undeniably to the point where strangers recognize "my condition". Last night someone I had just met at the reception commented on how it looked as though I wouldn't be partaking of the wine that evening, but that I should enjoy the snacks. I find it funny too how when I see other pregnant women I want to run up to them and be like "HI!! I'M PREGNANT TOO!!", but luckily for them I resist the urge. Last night I talked to a fellow pregnant gal at the reception thing and was finally able to fulfill this secret wish and it was awkward as h*ll, ha ha, no, it really wasn't the bad, but those things always make you feel like a social weirdo anyway.

I do sometimes feel very very different. Fundamentally different. I guess that makes sense, but it's still weird to go through. I think it's really just these transitions lining up at the same time: end of school, beginning of motherhood. Lately I just have been feeling sort of isolated, which I then seem to try to manifest physically by choosing to stay in instead of going out with friends and stuff like that. I feel like all I have to talk about is the end of school and being pregnant. Like these are the only two things I can contribute right now, and they are two very self-oriented things. I also can't or don't like to do some of the things that my single and non-pregnant friends like to do. It is all very natural to go through this, I guess, but it doesn't mean it doesn't feel weird. I think I'm particularly sensitive to it because of the additional stress of school ending. It all scares me a little, though, because it makes me wonder if we rushed into this parent stuff. Yet I also only feel this way when I compare myself to others. I never feel this way when I just assess my life, my values, my goals, and my priorities. And it doesn't change the fact that I am a mother already, I can feel it, even if I don't know how to be a mother yet.

With that, it's time to be a student again... I'm sure I'll post a lot this weekend since I'll be home alone with nothing but work to do. And who wants to do work??