Ugh. So Sam does in fact have a fistula and does in fact need surgery. Most likely he will have surgery on December 23 -- two weeks!! EEEEK!On the plus side:
- Aaron and I both really liked the surgeon. He seems to really know what he's doing, is very forthright with information, and personable too.
- Sounds like it will be an easy operation that will only take about 10 minutes.
- Doc doesn't think the fistula is very deep and isn't very long -- not likely that it will even be in the muscle tissue.
- This is outpatient surgery so he will only be away from us for 45 minutes and will recover within a week. Just have to give sitz baths to keep the area nice and clean.
On the down side:
- My baby needs surgery!
- He will have to be put to sleep for the surgery. Eek. Eek. Eek.
- He will be away from us for 45 minutes during the operation.
- If the muscles are damaged or too much of the muscular tissue is removed, it could mean a lifetime of incontinence (doc says this is very rare).
The surgeon said that really this is not likely to be a birth defect, and was most likely formed from an abscess in the anus that worked it's way to the surface, creating the channel known as the fistula. He says that this one needs surgery because it seems like a very established channel has formed, since it continues to fill and release at such a rapid and consistent pace. Says it won't heal on its own and closing it up will make Sam feel better and will remove the possibility of further infection or abscess. Doc also said this is not likely to mean Crohn's disease and does not indicate an increased chance of further fistulotomies.
I can't escape feeling responsible. Was there something I could have done to prevent this? Will I always feel responsible for everything that happens to my son, even after he gains more autonomy? I kept my cool during the appointment, but I confess I cried a little on the way home. I wish I could put the feelings into words. Sam is my heart. It is unlike anything I have ever felt before. But he's not like my physical heart because I would sooner have something bad happen to my physical self than for anything bad to ever happen to any little part of him.
Surgery is scary. But I guess it is our best option. We will do what we can with the challenges that face us.
On a side note: I have two phone interviews to be scheduled for next week! For the library job AND THE PROF JOB!! Feel free to send happy interview thoughts my way, as well as wishes for Sam's operation.
OH! And Sam weighed in at 19 lbs 15 oz (clothed) and measured something like 26.5" long.
5 comments:
sorry about the surgery :) but it will make sam 100% healthy again and thats what matters. 45 minutes is such a tiny amount of time in our lives, it will be like blinking! And of course its not your fault, he is the normalest most perfect baby ever. I'l be thinking happy thoughts for him all month just the same though! :)
Oh Sam. I wish I could be there with all of you, if only to hold hands and do all those things that give us comfort in our scary times. I'm so glad you like the surgeon and that he was clear on what is happening to Sam's body.
This is absolutely not your fault.
Good news about the job interviews - that's exciting news.
You are always in my heart.
hugs sally
You two are adorable!
That is great about both interviews! I wish you lots of luck with them, but I'm sure you will be awesome.
I'm glad you like the surgeon; I think that makes a big difference. Its scary, but, Sam is healthy and strong so I'm sure he'll heal up quickly!
E had to have tubes put in at 2 years, so I understand how hard it is to watch your child be given anesthesia. But everything went well. I think I was more traumatized than she was! Kids are so much more resilient physically and emotionally than we are.
Congrats on the job interviews! We'll be sending positive vibes your way :)
You are the best mom. You are Sam's mom because you know exactly how to love him and how to care for him. You are doing the right thing, and Sam is such a lucky little guy. He is absolutely going to be fine and the surgery will be simple. He will move on quicker than we adults ever could!
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