Me! Heh heh heh. But only because my sweet little baby decided to sleep through the night too. I actually still woke up at the normal intervals because my body is so accustomed to it. This time I waited longer during his rustling about and he simply remained asleep. The engorgement wasn't too fun, but the idea of sleeping through the night sure was. We didn't wake and feed until 8 am! I don't think I can expect this to be a routine, but it still makes me feel like it may be a routine in the nearish future. Awesome!
Sam is 11 weeks old as of yesterday. I try to imagine how I felt less than three months ago when I was just getting used to my brand new baby. Sam seems so substantial now. Well, he is huge, I guess, ha ha. But I can hug him, I can seat him on the couch, or in my lap with just a little support. He smiles and talks. His hands are open so much more often and he is beginning to learn to grab things (yeah, we have to put them right there at his hand, but still!!) . I didn't think that at three months you could feel as if your baby was growing up too fast, but somehow that feeling hits right away I guess. I can't imagine how I'll feel a few years from now! You just want to somehow hold on to every little moment, or at least be able to go back and revisit them again and again. Pictures help, but they sure aren't the real thing.
Those first couple of weeks with a newborn are so surreal and just so difficult. I suppose it is different for everyone, but I really thought my life was now forever to be no sleep, no me time, all crying baby, painful vampiric sucking of the boobs, and nothing more. How quickly it changes. Though I had this deep devotion for my little one even before he was born, it has now blossomed into something so much more. I am just amazed and fulfilled with every little thing that he is, and I honestly do not think that there will ever be a time when I won't feel complete pride, awe, and joy at all of the things he does -- even the foolish mistakes he will inevitably make at some point in his life. The connectedness I have with him is really something I can't articulate. I hope this doesn't go away, even though I'm sure life events will sometimes make it more or less noticeable over the years. And I really cannot fathom that my parents ever felt (or feel) this way about me, ha ha.
I still am finding it hard to get motivated and I get down and depressed sometimes because of my laziness. Part of me just wants to embrace the downtime afforded by this unique moment in my life, but part of me feels that I really need a project to pour some of my energy into or I simply cannot feel fulfilled. Or perhaps I feel that I'm just wasting time. I sort of sleep away a lot of my day, I spend a lot of time on the computer, or I watch movies or read fiction. Autumn has officially arrived -- cool weather, changing leaves. Some days I am just completely content to live with nothing but nice walks with Sam on a cool but sunny day and holing up in my house with books, movies, and computer, for the rest of the time.
Health updates: I decided not to rush Sam in to see any old nurse or doc, we decided to get an appointment with our own doctor. That means I have an appointment on Tuesday. I have been leaving the lump alone and it seems to be going away. Ha ha. I am pretty sure when it appeared to be getting bigger it was just me irritating the skin. Yea Mom! Well if it isn't there next week I'll just cancel the appointment. Yesterday he also got these really red cheeks so I got to worry and google that for a bit. Pretty sure it's just dry skin from the sudden change in temperature and a bath yesterday morning. I have been using some mild lotion and I think they are more rosy and not red. He has the cutest big cheeks, ha ha.
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