Augh Pt 2

Ok, so after last post:
I got food poisoning.
I received over $2000 in medical bills.
The pilot light to our water heater exploded outward, melting the spigot and causing a leak. Luckily nothing caught on fire.

So when it rains it pours. But the last bit made me realize -- my house did NOT catch on fire. I am feeling plenty sorry for myself, but maybe things are actually as good as they can be right now. We are achieving the best that can be achieved in our situation. Well, that sort of makes me feel better and sort of makes me feel worse.

The medical bills are for Sam -- we've maxed out our health insurance, so that means insurance no longer covers his vaccinations and well-baby check ups. I never finished filing for medicaid because I thought our health insurance was good enough. Hah. Guess I have to hit the government assistance hardcore. But I think I need to make it through this semester first. Sigh. We still haven't received all of the bills from Sam's surgery last December.

On top of that, Aaron and I are just really busy with end of semester stuff. I have a group art show coming up in a couple of weeks that I need to complete some pieces for, too. I'm really tired.

So, this is why I haven't been posting.

Here are some recent pics of the beautiful boy. Maybe I need to get him modeling and then we can pay his doctor bills...

AUGH!

So it looks like I won't have the summer job after all. These appointments are always unsure until you have a signed contract, but I had an informal offer last November for this job. Now a TA has asked if there were any summer positions and I guess it's better for the department to hire faculty or TAs for summer work (I don't know why) so they will probably go that route instead.

I cannot escape feeling complete lack of value in the job market.

At this point both Aaron and I are unemployed for the summer. We'll see how things shape up.

He Moves!

So I knew this day was not far off -- our little Sam can really get around! He does an army crawl with some serious determination. I will try to post some videos. This of course means he is completely not happy just sitting still, and must be either on the move or in direct play with mom or dad (or aunt meg or juan or whoever). What an exciting time to witness! But I can already see all the trouble that will ensue.

I have never been that tidy, neat, and clean. I clean and, in fact, I love to scrub out sinks and tubs and that sort of thing, but I really am no where near "neat freak". I guess I think I'm somewhere comfortably in between slob and neat freak, heh heh. We have two VERY furry dogs that shed like crazy. We live in an old house with years of sediment built in and old windows and doors where all sorts of goodies can blow in and out. We have a long gravel driveway so we bring in dirt with every human and dog foot step. I sew in the house and during these times little bits of fabric and thread are known to get caught underneath furniture, hiding here or there for who knows how long. This, in my opinion, is liveable. A little dirt is actually good sometimes. Until you have a baby army crawling all across the hardwoods. No matter what I do, I think he will find every tiny little piece of fallen leaf that escaped the broom, or newly fallen bits of dog fur, or tiny tiny scrap of fabric or whatever, and he will study it with his tiny fingers only to surely place it in his mouth. Is this where I have to start believing "God made dirt so the dirt won't hurt?" or do I need to get into this cleaning stuff hardcore? Surely I won't be able to catch it all, and I do really think a little dirt is good for kids. I dunno about the polar fleece, polyester thread, and dog fur though...

Springtime.

We're on spring break from school and today has felt like spring, complete with a long walk, some yard work prepping for this year's garden, and even a fire in the fire pit. Hard to believe that last year at this time I was already almost 25 weeks pregnant. Today as I was skipping out the door in my loose-again totally worn out summer pants I was reminded of last summer and my slow and laborious pregnant-lady movements. Wow.

I've been slacking with the blog so I feel there must be oodles to catch you up on...

Sleep...
Sleep got better because I just decided to forget "sleep training" and just go with Sam's schedule. We all started to get better sleep! Woohoo! THEN all of a sudden he won't sleep well at all. Well, we went up to Big Rapids to visit Grandpa E. and his sleep got all wacky and we're having trouble getting anything like a "normal" sleep schedule going again. I feel as though I could expound upon this to great length, but I don't have the energy so let's just say we're still experimenting with what works. And I guess it just changes week by week, if not day by day.

Visits...
After Sarah & Mike's visit, we went up to Big Rapids. It was a nice visit. Nice weather, got to take a few walks by the river, ate good food, watched some movies. It's too bad we don't live closer to one another.

And it looks like we'll be completing our week off with another visit to relatives. Aaron's grandmother fell and broke both of her wrists. She had to have surgery, but is doing very well. Very frightening news, but really this woman is remarkable. Over 90 and so amazingly strong. Wow. She lives alone, will be in a nursing home while she recovers, but really at this point there is no reason to believe she won't be able to go back to living alone. Anyway, we are hoping to get over to Cleveland to wish her well and spread some baby cheer.

I guess that's all. My time off is moving too fast. I have a million things to get done and have barely managed to do any of them. Such is life. If only I could stop myself from worrying about it.

Visitors!

Sarah and Mike came all the way from Ann Arbor to visit us! So we went to Kokoro, our favorite sushi restaurant. Kokoro is somewhat infamous in Lafayette, some love it and some hate it. We are in the former group. I should have taken pictures of the monstrously huge and awesome rolls. My favorite is the Bahama Maki. Totally intense and totally yummy. Though I finally tried the spicy tuna and I might just have to get that one next time.




It was a brief but very nice visit and we're so glad they came! But I have realized that the days of Sam sleeping through dinner at restaurants are long gone. And we came back to our house and played Pictionary, during which Sam also would not relax. We had to cut the game short to put the little guy to sleep. Needless to say we are still struggling on the sleep front. I think I need to get on the routine/schedule hardcore, but I've been slacking. I realized that I thought I was ok letting my baby cry, but I only THOUGHT I was, in reality I can't let him cry for more than like 10 or 15 minutes. And that feels like an eternity, I assure you. But I still think maybe he's struggling because of teething pain, and I think even Ferber CIO methods recommend comforting your little one when he's in pain, right? Well, spring break is around the corner, maybe we'll get to sleep training for real then.

But now, thanks to daylight savings time it's already time to try to get Sam to sleep. He's exhausted from the weird sleep this weekend, though, which he's confirming by being a totally aggressive wiggle worm. To bed!! Or we will try, anyway....

My son is very cute.

Sunny Day

We had some sun in Lafayette today! So Meg, Sam, and I snuck out for a quick walk in the park across the street. So nice to get OUTSIDE. Makes everything feel better. I guess we might be in for more cold next week, but I was happy to have a hint of spring.

As for SLEEP...
Thanks for the comments you guys. I will have to try the various techniques. I don't know. It's always best if I don't worked up over it, but it's hard not to get overwhelmed as you sit listening to your baby cry, trying to judge whether it's getting more or less intense, and you know you have a million other things you should be doing, so if you aren't being productive you might as well be cuddling the poor little guy. I am not sure if it's an age-related sleep regression, if it's teething pain, or what, but that Ask Moxie site was helpful. I'd browsed around it before but didn't really get that much out of it. This time I feel like I got a lot, if only to read the plethora of different baby behavior (especially those sleep related). Again I must remind myself that 1) just because things are a certain way NOW doesn't mean they will always be that way (in fact, I guess babies are like the weather); 2) his sleep behavior is not necessarily a direct result of something I did or did not do; 3) missteps in the way I handle parenting challenges will not necessarily doom Sam to a life of struggling with the same challenges...

Other than continued struggles with sleep, we're hanging in there and having some fun times. Sam laughs and plays a lot more these days and has all sorts of fun vocal stylings. He is still working on crawling but not quite there. He just recently started trying to pull himself up on the rail of his crib -- he's a strong little guy. Oh, and he bit me while nursing for the first time today. Ouch. Not looking forward to the top teeth coming in!

he's getting hair!

Sleep or lack thereof

So the routine WAS working great, and I think it probably sort of still is. It's great in that he goes to sleep, easy without much fuss if any at all. BUT he might wake even an hour later. I have talked with many a parent about this and it seems like a lot of them have been in my shoes. Of course, those parents of needy children also have had 4 year olds who still sleep in mom & dad's bed, and one even has a 9 year old who sneaks into mom & dad's bedroom to sleep in a sleeping bag next to their bed (since she was simply too big to fit in the bed any longer), so I dunno what to think about that.

I get mad at all the doctors saying this and that about sleep as though there is a formula I can and should be following to get my son to sleep. Because I SWEAR I'm trying it but it isn't working so I guess I haven't found THE formula. I like the doc I found who claimed that you shouldn't pick up your crying infant when he's crying in his crib, you simply stand next to him, and sooth him by rubbing his back or belly and this will sooth even the "most upset child" or something like that. WHA? Has he met the most upset child? I guess not. Does that guy even have kids? Maybe not.

Well, I really don't think I'm doing EVERYthing I am supposed to be doing to get him sleeping well. And I also wonder whether I missed my opportunity for creating "good" sleep habits?

I don't know. Last night he went down to sleep, and at one waking point I was watching a movie with Meg and the movie was almost over so instead of stopping it or missing the rest of it soothing him in his room for 15 or 20 minutes, I brought him out to the couch. He stayed awake for a good hour or more. This has really thrown off the routine. He woke at 8:00 this morning, barely napped, took a long nap in his bouncy chair (which he must be nearing the weight limit for) right before his "usual" bed time, and when Aaron tried to move him to his crib, he started crying and would not relax. Sigh. So I tried to get into nighttime routine because I just know he's exhausted but it wasn't really working and I am starting to question the value of said nighttime routine because it takes a while and he just wakes an hour later.

I'm pretty sure this is a phase and am starting to wonder if I should just ride it out instead of trying to fight it?

I do know that I'm getting more and more tired every day so I'm going to have to start finding time for me to sleep even if he's not. Ha!

Well, at present, he's sitting quietly in his bouncer as I type in the dark. Maybe I should go try to get him to sleep in his crib. Sigh.

WELCOME PABLITOOOOOOOOOO!!!

March

Well, night time routine is working great!! He goes right to sleep. The routine is generally: lotion, pjs, nurse, story time, rock, then right to sleep. During story time Sam plays in his crib, and after about two or three stories he gets fussy, so I stop reading, turn out the light, close the door, and rock him and/or hold him silently in the dark. Once he gets super drowsy I place him in his crib and he's out! Now, the problem is the rocking is what is really getting him drowsy, which means he still relies on being held by Mom before he can fall asleep, BUT he goes to sleep without ANY tears. Trouble is, that's just the first hurdle. He now takes to waking nearly every hour and is not comforted back to sleep unless he gets to fall asleep in Mom or Dad's arms. So, big step in the right direction, but we still have a long way to go. So far tonight he has been sleeping for a little over an hour...we'll see how long he goes.

That's pretty much the news around here. I have been a little anxiety-ridden as we meet the middle of the semester. Mostly I think I'm tired. It's so hard to look at anything clearly or function as well as I'd like when I'm tired. I wish I could be all things at all times. I used to think of myself as a perfectionist. Ha. Not anymore. Now I just try to get tasks done -- doing them perfectly is a bit beyond my reach (well, maybe it never was within reach, but it seemed reachable or at least made a nice goal). It is hard to come to terms with my own ordinariness, but I think that if I do I will find some inner peace or something.

Just because I know you come here to see pics of the boy: