Working Mom

So we're figuring out our schedules for the new academic term. I have agreed to adjunct at the community college, and I had applied and interviewed for an academic advisor job (part time). I SOOOO wanted that advisor job, figuring it was reliable year-round employment and could be a great stepping stone into a career path of education administration. BUT ALAS, no call (even though I thought the interview went quite well). Sigh. Well the university has come through with a couple of classes for me, but two different classes (meaning three course preps in total). This would definitely be full-time work. Oi. I have asked to see if I can do just one of those classes. So I'd be doing three classes total, two preps. I think we could make that work.

While I'm still struggling to identify the ultimate career path for me, I suppose I am stumbling forward on one nonetheless. And I feel fortunate to have the opportunities that I do. But as I sit here questioning how to balance motherhood and academia, my friend sends me this link to this book called Mama, PhD ... read an excerpt here. This book seems pretty cool and I just might have to seek it out, if not for comfort than to commiserate. For now I will continue to stumble forward, one semester at a time, while I hope for the occasional "a ha" moment.

Family and the Big Lake

We went up to Michigan this weekend to see the family. My brother was in town (all the way from LA) visiting my dad, so we took the opportunity to get up there and see the whole crew. Sarah and Mike even were able to come up and join us! Saturday we walked, ate, and watched The Room (hmm). And Sunday we wanted to go to Lake Michigan but the weather prohibited such an outing. We had a nice time visiting indoors, and by evening managed to get in a walk and a nice dinner. Today, we left in the morning and stopped in Saugatuck/Douglas on the way home so that we could see the lake. Sam loved playing in the waves and the sand.

Please enjoy the photos from our lovely Michigan weekend!

Walking!

Sam took his first steps tonight! We were having a good bye party for our dear friends Nick & Ashlea (who are moving next week, boohoo) and our friend Nate took Sam under the arms and said "Shall we do some unassisted walking" And he basically let go and he walked!! We kept doing it throughout the night, letting Sam walk from Mom to Dad, Dad to Mom, Mom to Aunt Meg, etc etc. Right before bed he took about seven consecutive steps! It has BEGUN!!

Also, as a super cute side note: This morning he woke, rolled over, gave his dad a kiss and then gave me a kiss. Ahhh, bliss.

so sweet.

On a morning when Sam woke too early, couldn't sleep but wanted to, restlessly tossed and turned and cried until I nursed him, perhaps ever 20 minutes, I was pretty sure I was ready to start getting him to sleep in his crib. Then, once we finally agreed to simply get up, and we were still in bed, quietly playing and waking up, he crawled over to me and gave me a few kisses.


The documents the doctor sent home with us said that "sleep time is not bonding time, it's neutral time". I don't know. Maybe the actual sleep part is?? I'm not convinced. But the going to sleep and waking up is certainly bonding time. And if sleep time is not bonding time, then why do couples sleep together?

Happy Anniversary!

Just a quick post to acknowledge that Aaron and I have been married for SEVEN YEARS!
Yesterday was our anniversary and we had a very nice time blueberry picking with Barb, taking a long wagon walk and playing with a fountain on campus, and then Juan babysat Sam while we went out for Indian food. We ended the night by picking up some bargain bin DVDs, ate ice cream, and watched a bad romantic movie that we'll promptly donate to the library. I love you, Aaron! So nice to share these days together, and so appropriate to share our anniversary with our son. He is the embodiment of our love and partnership and that may never cease to amaze me.

One Year Doc Updates!

Sam is back from his one-year well-baby check up. He is doing great! Didn't get his vaccines because our doc told us of a cheaper (read: free) place to get them, but other than that she checked the normal stuff. He's a much smaller guy in some respects; here are the stats:

Weight: 23 lbs 12 oz (around 65%)
Height: 29.5 (don't remember -- maybe 35%?? kind of short)
Head: 48 cm (88%)

Doc said right now as he moves into toddlerdom he is finding his new percentile arcs to follow, so drops aren't anything to worry about.

Sam cried nearly the whole time. It ended up that we were there when he wanted to be taking his first nap, so he was on edge.

It is funny to me that at the doctor, questions from the nurses are posed in such a way as to suggest the assumption that we (as I suppose all other parents?) are using formula and taking our child to day care. I do not mean to suggest that either of those choices are bad choices, but it sort of makes me sad to think that they are indeed the more common or "normal" choices, or I suppose, situations. Though I'm ready to figure out how to cut back/out the nursing, I am so happy that I was able to nurse my son all these months, and I feel so very blessed to have been able to be home with him as much as I have.

Aaron and I are back to questioning sleep habits and are feeling like we should work to get Sam in his crib. It will be two weeks of rocky sleep and lots of crying, but it might ultimately be worth it? I'm sure we would/will both be sad to see the bed-sharing days end, but we both sort of feel like it's important for Sam to be able to sleep in his own bed. When the appropriate time is is always so unclear, I guess. For example, the literature the doc gave us said that if we are still bed sharing, we will probably share a bed until Sam is 3 or 4 years old. I think this is true, based on the stories other parents have shared with us. That doesn't seem like something we want. However, maybe that's actually a natural and healthy time and way for sleep habits to change? I don't know. We'll see. In some ways now seems like the best time to suffer through the two weeks of "sleep training" since we have time before the semester starts.

And for the semester: I guess I've confirmed and agreed to teach two classes at the community college this fall. I'm excited for it. I have that interview for the Academic Advisor position on Thursday. I would like to do both, if offered the second job, but then I'd be working full time. Hmmm. But the Academic Advisor job would be reliable and consistent and may even come with benefits. Hmmm. I could back out on teaching, but I don't want to do that and I would feel bad doing it. Well, once again, here I am worrying over what ifs when i do not even have an offer for the advisor job. So, I'll interview and take it from there. Hmmm.

Mothering.

Let's see. I haven't rambled about various concerns, observations, changes, moods, and all of that stuff in a while, so I guess I will do so.

As I write, Sam is finishing (?) a MAMMOTH nap that I joined him for for the first TWO HOURS. This most certainly will make the rest of the day a mystery. So I guess I'll begin on the favored topic of sleep.

Our one-year-old sleeps in our bed, still, exclusively. We haven't done much as of late to change that. I talked with Aaron about it not long ago, and he still wants Sam in our bed. We both like it and so far it's most convenient. I still worry about the big What Ifs...what if we have a four year old in our bed, what if he never stops nursing... But we're going with the flow. For the most part it works smoothly. He wakes, we have breakfast, take a walk, play, and then nap. Wake, lunch, play, and then nap. Wake, dinner, play, bath, bed. It's a flexible schedule but it makes sense and keeps us happy and balanced. Sometimes I put him down to sleep, sometimes Aaron does. If Aaron does, he goes to sleep without the boob. If I do, he almost always pulls at my shirt to tell me he wants to nurse. We have learned to nurse at this time so I unfailingly let him nurse. It is not that I am anxious for this stage to end. It is not that I think it is bad or wrong or even weird to nurse beyond a year, but I once again get worried about the What If...what if he doesn't naturally wean on his own? I guess at some point it will be clear that it's time to stop and if it isn't happening on it's own I will simply need to enforce it. We already know that Sam can sleep without nursing first, and Aaron can often be the one to put him down he might not associate sleep with nursing. But really the thing about weaning, I see, is that I guess I need to wean myself as much as him. Hmm.

Other than that, Sam is developing so great. He's becoming such a kid. No, he's not walking yet, but that can't be far off. He has pretty much mastered the one-handed walk and has bravely attempted a few steps without holding onto anything, though it pretty much is a lunge and teeter into Mom or Dad. He's making lots of sounds but not yet talking. Still using "Gum" and "Gop" and pointing at things to let us know what he wants. He has a sort of whistle he does too and sometimes sounds like he's singing.

I am enjoying my summer and my time home with Sam, but sometimes I get into traps of feeling too lost and so I take it all for granted. Sometimes I am content with my primary self being Sam's Mom, and then other times I feel like if I just immerse myself in that I won't know who I am once he's older. I still am not sure where I want to put my energy during my "free time". Free time is few and far between unless you organize and schedule it in. An hour during a nap, a couple of hours before bed. Usually I spend those times wasting time on the Internet, doing chores, or napping with Sam. If I am rested and the house is somewhat clean and back in place, I have been doing some sewing and applying for jobs. I have some courses to teach at the community college in the fall. The pay is minimal and it is kind of a far drive from our house, but I think the experience teaching for a different school, a different TYPE of school, and a different kind of class (lecture, not studio) is an important experience in figuring out whether I actually want to teach afterall. I also have an interview next week for a part-time academic advising position at the same school. I am excited about that prospect. 20 hrs/wk, reliable pay, and potentially a field I would really enjoy. The interview is with a committee of eight people though -- intimidating!!

I think that coffee make me depressed. I thought at first it was the crash after coming down from the caffeine but then I had some decaf the other day and I think it may have had the same result. I'll have to do some research on that.

After becoming a mom I pretty much gave myself a get out of jail free card when it came to diet and exercise. I was pleased that I got back into my pre-pregnancy jeans after about four months, and while I was teaching last semester I think I lost even more. This summer, though, the weight is coming back on since I'm home munching all day. I think issues of body image are so interesting in relation to motherhood. While pregnant and feeling like a whale, I looked at pictures of my pre-preg self and said that if I ever got to that size again I could never complain of being fat. That worked for a while. But now that my body is becoming more and more my own again, no longer a body shared between myself and my son, I am back to feeling a need to be skinnier and more beautiful. Sigh. I wish my motivation was just to be happy and healthy! But this after-baby muffin top is really a force to be reckoned with. I'm trying half-heartedly to eat better and exercise, but it's definitely a matter of baby steps.



Today, Meg, Juan, Sam and I went for a walk and played at the nearby playground. Sam loved going down the slides (held by an adult, of course). He is a happy guy. He laughs all the time. One funny thing he started doing is blowing raspberries on me. I would blow a raspberry on his little tummy and then he'd crack up and charge me and pull up my shirt and blow a raspberry on my stomach. What a goof ball.

Year One.

It's hard to believe that Sam is already one year old. Wow. Seriously, where did this year go?

A year ago at this time, I was in the hospital already laboring away.

At 4:55 pm our little boy was born. This picture is from the day after, though. Sam had just been named and we were probably listening to Sam Cooke.

I cannot imagine what my life would be like without my son, but I suppose I don't often try. Sam fills my life with such joy and purpose.

At one year, Sam is not yet walking, but he sure is working on it. He does not like to sit still. He crawls like crazy, pulls himself to a stand whenever he can, and cruises around the furniture as much as possible, always reaching up for a hand when he needs it. I remember talking to another mom when Sam was maybe five months old, sitting peacefully in my arms, and she commented on how her toddler was so "slippery" now. Now I know what she means. Sometimes he is happy to sit on my hip, but not for long. Pretty soon he flexes his legs and locks his knees and pushes out from me -- he wants to get down and explore things for himself.

Sam makes all kinds of noises and sounds but no clear words. I still don't know if when he says "mom" and "mama" if he is associating those sounds with me or not. He does "dada" too. He definitely knows "bah" is good bye.

He is working on three new teeth, for a total of six.

He likes feeding himself so much now that sometimes he gets mad and won't eat from an offered spoon. We are transitioning away from purees.

He is still breastfeeding. Not sure how to wean exactly, but I'm starting with not offering it. He asks now by pulling down my shirt, but sometimes it seems he asks only because he is tired and wants to take a nap and he associates nursing with sleep. But Aaron has been putting him to nap or to bed and he goes down with little difficulty. We still co-sleep, so I still find myself nursing when he wakes at night, sometimes as many as three times. Well, one step at a time I guess.

People always comment on how happy Sam is, and I guess I must agree. Rarely does he cry and fuss. He is so eager to discover the world around him that he's often happiest when around new people and in new environments. This is not to say he does not cry or get unhappy, because he certainly gets uncomfortable or upset, but he's a pretty easy-going guy, and I'm thankful for it.

Sam's Grandpa E. and Aunt Sarah E. are here visiting for the weekend, so pics will be coming soon of gifts and cake and other fun times.

We love you, Sam.

Fifth of July Cookout!

So the weather was lousy on the fourth, so we did our fourth of July cookout on the fifth! Complete with firepit corn ala Aaron (soooo good!) authentic arrepas from Juan, I did fried chicken, Meg made yummy festive potato salad...it was a good 'n' tasty time.

We had a nice visit with Ann Arbor Stephanie and she helped us out babysitting while we were doing food prep. So good to see you Stephanie! Her visit revolved a lot around food, but well, so does our life, so... Anyway it was a nice visit and now we're back to the working week, though none of us are working so it's like permanent weekend so that's fun. More whining and rambling about career stuff is sure to come, but this week we'll probably do a lot of hanging out, some art stuff, and prep for the big day -- Sam will be ONE YEAR OLD next weekend! WOW!

Sam's First Fourth of July!

Sam celebrated his first fourth of July! Complete with staying up too late and watching the fireworks. Not quite sure what he thought of them....

I made another wacky cake though. This time with buttercream icing ('meh) and fondant stars. It was ok. Our friend Esteban said it was like a big soft oreo cookie ('cause it's chocolate cake) -- I think that's a good description.

Fireworks.

And Sam's grandpa sent him a wagon for his birthday. What fun!

Things are going well. Sam is still working on those teeth. Stephanie (of No Pickles, Please!) is visiting and that's fun. Will try to get some better pics of her and the boy before she leaves!