It's a...

BOY!

But you all know that already anyway, thanks to Facebook and email.

I realize now that I really thought it was going to be a girl. I'm not SURPRISED that it's a boy, I just thought it would be a girl and most of my day dreaming was of girl stuff and girl names and what not. I'm glad we decided to find out the gender because now we can actually start thinking about who our little guy is and Sam can prepare for his little brother. Little brother!! So fun.

This little guy already seems to have his own personality (which, you know, is obvious, but still...). He wiggles and moves ALL the time. He wouldn't stay still during the ultrasound either. I wonder what that will mean :-/ Of course you feel the movements a lot more second time around, and this time we have a posterior placenta and the first time we had anterior placenta so that has a big impact on how you feel it all.

Anyway, we are all just so excited to have had a chance to see him move and have all his parts and all of that. He's really there! He's with us already! It's pretty amazing.

In other news, work has slowed down, we're prepping for the holidays. Mike & Sarah will visit, as will my dad, and then Aaron's parents will even be able to stop by for a couple of nights. It will be nice to have time with family.

Here are some Christmas Sam pics:

Winter Updates

It's cold. It has been cold. There is snow. There is ice. It's too cold. But I definitely prefer cold with snow to cold without. At least it's pretty and feels like Christmas.

We have a Christmas tree! I think our first in five years. We just picked it up at the grocery store. I hope it lasts until Christmas! It is full of weird and charming (to us, anyway) ornaments, primarily made by friends and family. I am sitting writing this post by the glow of the lights. We've been watching Christmas movies and listening to the Erlewine Christmas Tape (now as mp3s, of course). I have to say that one awesome thing about kids is holidays. They become really fun again. Sam is starting to understand all of these things, and it is so fun to share traditions and excitement with him. I'm having a hard time deciding what gift to get him though. I've purchased a lot of small odds and ends and want to have some presents under the tree before Christmas, but then some for the magic of Christmas morning too. But I also don't want to go overboard. It's too much money, too much commercialism, too much consumerism, and my two year old would be happy with so many simple things. Plus, I know his extended family will also shower him with goodies. It is interesting to figure out how we are going to "do Christmas," mixing different family traditions -- trying to relive those of our own past, yet forge our own new ones. Do we tell him all about Santa? Do we really try to make him believe all the stories? I guess we'll see.

In other news, the semester is winding to a close. I don't have a real break like those academic appointments do, but still, half time work, flexible hours, and decrease in faculty/activity around campus will feel like a break. And I could use one. I never thought about my job as being particularly physical, but in the last month or so it has become increasingly apparent that there are aspects of my job that I cannot (or SHOULD not, which may be more accurate) perform. It is not uncommon for me to haul stuff around, do lifting, climb ladders, paint walls, and all sorts of not-recommended-for-pregnant-ladies activities. It has been really hard to not be "able" to do them, particularly when I feel like I am perfectly able. Quite frankly, this may be the aspect of pregnancy I like the least. Feeling incapable, or like that fragile little lady in "delicate condition". The human body is strong; the female body is designed to protect this womb in amazing ways. Pregnant women are now encouraged to exercise and do all sorts of things. At the same time, I guess ladders and heavy lifting are still no-nos. Sigh. Anyway, next semester should be ok though. I've managed to get myself a grad assistant for the term. It won't be renewable (because of funding) but at least I'll have someone to help me with all that stuff, as well as the tasks I never seem to be able to do in just 20 hrs/week. Also, if baby comes early (or even on time), there will be someone there to oversee things while I'm off.

In Sam development news, all is going great. He's a kid now. He's talking more and more every week. He still can be a bit hard to decipher. Sentences are still primarily 2-4 words long, but he may have done 5 or more words now. He is getting really into singing. Often gets the words at the end of a phrase and speak-sings more than sings. Some of his favorites are "Charlie Brown" and "Barbara Ann," "Happy Birthday,"... He likes "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" and "Frosty the Snowman" too. He is a really funny kid and most of all really nice and sweet. I'm so proud of him and who he is. I am always unsure as to what impact a parent really has on who their child is. I think we really just lucked out with this guy, but if I can take credit for it, I will. He's just a really neat kid. Today we had a nice day that again started with too much TV (he's into the cartoon Josie & the Pussycats -- "pussycat! pussycat! watch that!") but then we had a playdate, went to Walmart (complete with toddler meltdown -- I felt right at home in the socially questionable Walmart), lunch, nap. After nap Sam made lasagna with me, he did a huge poop in his pants (he is struggling with doing #2 on the potty), had dinner, took a bath, then had hot cocoa and watched some of a movie with me. Good day.

I have some work to do but don't feel like it. But I should probably get to it since it's 11 pm. Tomorrow is our office holiday party. Hope that's ok and not too awkward. I have to set up and clean up because there are only four of us in the office right now, including the head of the school, so...

Some snow pics of Sam:

New Post

Today started off very nice. Sam and I have had too much TV time (cold out, and I'm always tired). BUT we did make salt dough Christmas ornaments and that was a lot of fun. Then this afternoon I had to go to work and it was work. Sigh. There are days when I love my job and days when I want to run away. Do you suppose there are any jobs out there that don't include the wanting to run away feeling?? I guess I don't think there are. There are always colleagues that are awkward to deal with. Always tasks that you'd rather not do. Or reasons to cause second guessing and self doubt. I'm trying to get over that, or just accept it and not let it get me down. I need tricks on how to do this though.

Sam and ornament making:

phew

Man, another 11-hour work day! Gotta stop these! To top it off today was installing the faculty show. Doesn't everyone love working with faculty? Actually it was pretty good. I got to work with my former committee chair who I like and respect and we didn't have too many challenges come our way. That said, my partner in crime on this project was far more thorough and meticulous than I was, so it was a good learning experience for me but I felt like a slacker. But he's got 14 years professional experience on me, so maybe I'd be more of a pro by then too. Plus he's more invested in the show too. Anyway it was fine and the show is up and looks pretty good despite the lack of involvement from a lot of the faculty.

In other news...hmm... is there other news?

The weather is turning. It's cold now. Well we had some crazy unseasonable warmth for a while so the cold hit a little harder. Still, we have some warmish sunny afternoons so that's nice. Though I don't suppose anyone reads this for weather updates...

In Sam land, things are going very well. I'm going to have to start setting up play dates to keep him occupied with kids and activities now that we can't rely on going to the park due to weather stuff. But it's so hard. We have these two big crazy dogs so it's hard to invite people, let alone toddlers, over to play.

SLEEP UPDATES
Sam sleeps well now. He still goes to bed late, doesn't get as much nighttime sleep as some kids, but takes a big afternoon nap.

DIAPERS (or lack thereof)
Sam pees in the potty without fail now. But he doesn't want to poop on the potty. At first he did pretty well with it. Then he changed his mind. I think I'm going to just go with using diapers for poop and potty for pee. Our insistence on sticking with the undies just lead to tons of dirty undies, and he has no interest in going back to diapers or not peeing in the potty. So, when it seems he's ready to go poop, we'll just get him in a diaper and let him go standing up. Maybe they make standing up potties, hahaha. I dunno, he potty trained in like 3 days and then just changed his mind about going poo, so I think he's just not ready. I don't want to force it and make it harder or make him uncomfortable ('cause he just holds it in since he doesn't want to go in his undies and doesn't want to use the potty) so we'll do diapers for a while and wait for the time he's ready to use the potty full time.

TALKING
Sam has more words than I can practically count and speaks in 2-4 word sentences. From talking with other kids his age, I think he is still a little delayed. That said, he is continually progressing in vocab and verbal communication, I'm not worried. But he goes to this playgroup at the community center that is run by the university's speech and language program and Sam was (ironically?) there as a "typical peer", not one of the kids receiving therapy. It was clear Sam was talking MORE than the other kids, but not A LOT more. Anyway the semester is ending so the playgroup is ending and I contacted them to see if we can continue on next semester. They also have a preschool that is very inexpensive, three days a week, and seems pretty fun. So I asked about that too, while also expressing my concern that Sam doesn't meet the criteria for "typical peer". The folks in charge had some minor concerns too but think he'll probably be alright. It would be sad if he fell into some in-between area (not needing therapy/not being "typical"), but Aaron and I think Sam is beyond classification too... Anyway, I used to think preschool was kind of weird for such little kids but it becomes clear to me that I am often too tired or lacking the necessary knowledge to lead useful activities for Sam during my full days with him. The socialization and structured activities seem to be good for him. So I hope it works out. It would be for next fall when he's 3 years old.

BABY
The baby is doing fine! My belly gets bigger and bigger. I am now to the point where people feel comfortable asking me if I'm pregnant, so I guess that's good that I no longer look just chubbier. Last appointment with the midwife was good. Rather uneventful. Things seem good and there's still something beating away in there and I'm gonna go ahead and believe it's my baby's heart. The ultrasound will be next month, so we'll know a lot more then!

PREGNANCY
I do, however, already have tailbone pain. I was paranoid and thought it was related to the sciatic nerve (I have known multiple people to get bad sciatica so that freaked me out). But after reading more it seems to be ligament pain. So the awesomely named hormone relaxin is relaxin' my ligaments. This has caused my pelvic bones to shift and cause me pain. It's not bad, more of a nuisance so far, but last pregnancy I didn't have this until near the end of it and it seems so early to be experiencing it already. So I went to see a physical therapist, but when I showed up for my 7 am (!) appointment I found out that the physical therapist who works with pregnant ladies was out due to a death in the family. The other therapist talked with me about what was going on but we decided we better just wait for the lady to get back. So I'll try again next week. I do know that the pain occurs more when I am fully extended, so standing on my feet all day, extra lifting, etc. can aggravate it. Oh, pregnancy.

So that is all. I'm gonna go crash. Oh wait, I do have one little thing to do for work first. Oh, work.

Bad Day

What makes a bad day, you ask?
How about an 11-hour work day. When you have to be on your feet for most of it. And you're pregnant. And a broken piece of student artwork. And technological problems that can't be fixed by IT nor Electricians. And a broken serving platter. And no dinner. And they didn't put very many veggies on my veggie sub. And tailbone pain at only 15 weeks pregnant. And the fact that I can't take tomorrow off because I have another big event to take care of.

I came home after dark and Sam rushed over with some drawings for me that he and his dad made. He gave me a hug. I held him and told him I missed him and he said he missed me too and rubbed my back. He sat in my lap and leaned on my chest while I told him how mommy had a bad day. Later, after we were eating his second dinner and my first (at 8 o'clock), he talked about Mom having a bad day and he said "Tari Mom" (sorry mom). He rubbed my arm.

These are precious moments that make bad days a little easier to take.

Unorganized

Today is an officially completely scatterbrained, all-over-the-place, unorganized day. I completely forgot about Sam's playgroup this morning until it was nearly over. I feel like such a bad mom. I didn't really even tell him. Not sure he'd really fully understand but it could only lead to an upset kiddo. Sam loves his Friday playgroup.

And I completely missed this meeting I was supposed to go to this afternoon (in about an hour). I neglected to add it to my calendar when I got the initial notice, so I really didn't know about it until reading a reminder that I JUST got. Sam is down to sleep, Aaron is out of town, I really don't see how I'm gonna make it for the meeting. I don't think there's anyone I could call to drop in last minute like this. I just feel like a mess. And I feel really bad for missing the meeting because I had to miss the last one because of my doctor's appointment. To be fair, the meetings for this committee drive me a bit batty so I won't entirely miss it, but I certainly would have tried to go if I'd been a bit more prepared. And also, it seems worth acknowledging that Fridays I don't go into the office anyway, and I'm the only part time employee on the committee. Everyone else is well-payed people of power and significance. So that means I should get some slack, right? But maybe it also means it's worth it to look more involved. Oh well.

My life these days is so focused on myself and my home that I feel a little out of touch with work. I'm not behind, really, but I am sort of just doing the minimum of what I need to do to get the job done. Maybe that's not entirely true, but it feels a bit that way. I guess even if I am being that way I guess it's not all that bad. Sometimes I think the notion that you should always go above and beyond for your work just results in a lot of wasted energy and stress.

So, I'm home, I guess, and that's that.

And I've been a single mom since Wednesday night, so that adds to my flusteredness (what do you mean that's not a word??). Aaron is off to Boston for an art thing. It's a short trip. A lot of parents do way more single parenting than this. But I rely on Aaron SOOO much for every little thing that pretty much once I reached 24 hours of solo parenting, I sorta hit the wall. Meg and our friend Stephanie helped out though so pretty much I'm just a wimp. Aaron gets home late tonight so that's good. Then I will be installing a show all weekend so I guess it will be his turn at solo parenting for a couple of days. Things just have felt too busy I guess. Though I think after this weekend they'll start to slow down. I hope.

I should go do dishes or laundry or both. But maybe I'll lie down and wallow in my inability to get anything done. I'm in the second trimester, I should have energy now, right?

Happy... Happy Halloween, D!

Halloween was fun. Really fun. Sam had a blast.

THE COSTUME
I screwed up with his costume. I had made a pretty alright wolf costume then covered him in this orange and brown striped sweatshirt (which to me I thought "Halloween" but when on him with a furry head totally screams "tiger"). Then Sam also got super into the idea of face paint and through various trials discovered that he would no longer be content with just a little painted nose so he had confusing face paint. Anyway, Sam chose to be the Big Bad Wolf but ended up as some sort of generic fluffy animal that was identified as either a lion, tiger, or bear (oh, my!). I felt a bit like a failure but then I realized that this happens with LOTS of costumes and is also actually part of the fun of homemade costumes. See, every year I have wanted to make Sam some amazing costume and never really find or take the time. Or maybe it's just that I feel like I SHOULD be able to make this amazing costume and then get performance anxiety and am scared of failure. Anyway, that coupled with my exhaustion and nausea from the first trimester of pregnancy, I just didn't have it in me to make much of anything. I decided I could probably pull off a "werewolf" with a hood and some mittens and a tail, so I tried to get Sam into the idea. Well, he took right to "wolf" and then told me he wanted to be the "big bad" wolf. Ok, not quite a werewolf but close enough!! I tried making a hood with little success and decided to take Sam out to shop for costumes. We lucked out at Goodwill and found a puppy costume. I did a little alteration and voila, we had something more wolfy than puppy but I guess really just fuzzy. Then we went to Target for face paint and a sweatshirt. We picked out the orange striped sweatshirt, and from that point on Sam labeled it the "Halloween" sweatshirt and would not wear it because it wasn't Halloween. So, of course we had to use it on Halloween! I also got him a flashing pumpkin reflector necklace for safety. I had forgotten about it and found it in a bag a couple of days before Halloween. Sam LOVED it. Didn't need it for trick or treating, but flashing pumpkin necklace is just cool anyway, I guess. All in all though he looked adorable, has been wanting to dress up as the wolf all the time, so he loved his costume, so I guess it was a success.




TRICK-OR-TREAT! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
We also practiced "trick or treat!". Sam got quite good at it, though the phrase (coming from Sam) sounds just like "choo choo train!", or pretty close anyway. So we practiced knocking on doors, saying "trick or treat", "thank you", and then Aaron taught him "Happy Halloween". He got SO good at saying "Happy Halloween" and said Happy Halloween to everybody and everything. Very cute.

HALLOWEEN NIGHT
Tom and Jeanette came to visit for Halloween. It had been about 10 months since Sam last saw them but he warmed up to them in no time, perhaps thanks to some video chatting. Their plane arrived during nap time so Sam pretty much completely skipped nap the first day of their visit and was super cranky all day. I was afraid they wouldn't get to see Sam as we know him. But on Sunday, despite a slightly rocky start, we maintained a good food/sleep schedule and he was our normal happy funny kid. We got him all dressed up and the plan was to meet with some neighborhood kids for trick or treating. Before we made it out the door, the twins from up the street (about four months younger than Sam) came to trick or treat at our house. So we all walked to the meetup at another friends' house. All together we had a group of seven kids, age 1-3, ready for trick or treat! We hit the neighborhood in furry toddler style and made everyone's night. Sam collected a lot of candy, said lots of "trick or treat" "thank you" and "happy Halloween"s to all the candy givers. He was usually one of the last of the pack to the door. At one prize moment, a house had a bowl of candy with a few packages of Ding Dongs in there. None of the other kids reached for the Ding Dongs and the adults were laughing at how no one reached for the "big" treat. Sure enough, as soon as Sam got up there, he grabbed the Ding Dongs. My man!! We didn't finish trick or treating with all the kids. Before the last cul de sac we planned to hit (a posh little pocket of $400,000 homes -- good candy MUST be there, right??), Sam told us he was ready to go home. So we did. (I guess the highlight of that part was a house handing out String Cheese! All the toddlers were very excited!)

The rest of the night was fun. Sam had a little bit of candy, played heartily with Uncle "Pom" and "Nette" and Aunt "Meh", including a dance party. Other zany moments included running away into the kitchen, waiting a few moments, then running out to our uproarious applause. This followed some game where he fell down and actually played dead, lying all limp and everything. He was hilarious. He went to bed late, but he went right to sleep. And didn't wake up until 9:30 this morning!

So it was a very nice visit. Sam loved Halloween. He keeps asking for "more again". I think the concept of waiting a whole year will be hard one to grasp. We're trying to get him excited for Thanksgiving.