So I called the doctor and got the referral to First Steps, the state-sponsored early intervention program that is there to assist children with developmental delays. Yikes.
Why does it feel so creepy? It feels all government invasiony. Like they are saying "You can't take care of your children. You can't raise them right. You messed up. The government is stepping in."
I realize that's a stupid way to look at it.
I called because all of the literature I read says don't ignore this. I called because I think he's fine, but WHAT IF there is something going on and I completely ignored the signs.
I'm taking this personally. Completely and totally personally. And I'm probably overreacting. I mean, I am overreacting. Sigh.
It's especially weird because they want to come into your HOME. They want to see your kid in his normal environment. This makes total sense. He is different at home than he is out and about. But when they are assessing and they are in your home, are they assessing your home? Are they assessing the two big dogs that bark and jump when someone comes to the door? Are they assessing the size of our home? Are they assessing the cleanliness? Are they assessing the books we have for him? The toys? The food we have visible on kitchen shelves and counters? The answer is YES. Of course they are!! Not always intentionally, but that context undoubtedly affects perception of the experience.
Bah.
I'm just having a weird day and this makes me feel even weirder.
I compiled another list of Sam's words. But I think he took it into his room and he's sleeping now. Maybe I'll start another one here...
Words Sam says with his voice:
Mom
Clyde
Daddy
Go (variations: Gotta Go and Go Dog Go)
Ball
Balloo (for Balloon)
Bee (for Baby)
Bambow (rainbow -- used seldomly)
Hello
Bye
Lady
Pinch
Cake
Sounds that mean things but aren't necessarily classified as normal words:
Uh-Oh
Who-Who (to listen to the who)
Panting to refer to dog (also considered sign)
Ba-ba-ba (to listen to Barbara Ann)
Boom Boom! (The Wonderful Sounds Mr. Brown Can Do)
Lalalala (singing the song in the Disney Little Golden Book version of the Three Little Pigs)
Words Sam signs:
Waves Hello/Goodbye
Milk
Orange
Bread
Banana
Apple
Cake
Cookie
Cheese
Water/Thirsty (does the water sign when he's thirsty)
Hungry
Sleep
Bath
Bubbles
Shoes
Fort (he made that one up)
Aunt Meg (he based that off of something Juan did)
Dog (panting)
Ball
Baby
Help
Book
Brush Teeth
Wash Hands
Put that down/Stop what you are doing/Throw that away (he made this up)
Tickle
Rain (dipple dipple dop/wonderful sounds mr. brown can do)
Hug
Diaper
Monster
I just keep thinking -- did I do something wrong? AM I DOING something wrong? Do I not talk to him enough? Do I not make sounds with him enough?
And then I keep thinking -- ok, early intervention is important. I should not ignore any signs that could potentially indicate there is a developmental delay. But really -- I am constantly hearing about little boys who didn't talk until they were two or even three. We all have our own timelines. Am I trying to force my son into some conventional notion of what a child *should* be doing? A child who is obviously thriving and developing at what appears to me to be a phenomenal rate? A child who is learning new things everyday, and capable of so much? After all my getting over watching milestones, I am now unable to avoid them.
In other news, I am clearly trying to figure out what my next project is. I am settling into my job. I have some time on my hands. I feel totally over doing art. I feel pretty confident that teaching is not for me (though I think I will be teaching a class this summer). What's next?
I really want to buy a house and play house. I want to settle in and make a space for myself. Of course, the quickly expiring $8000 tax credit is a bit of an incentive. But we don't have any money. And we don't really want to settle here. Do we? No, we don't. But I have a job I like. And we were already living here for five years (!!) what if we end up living here for another five?
Oh me. Oh my.
Well, at least the sun has started to come out. That makes a world of difference to the spirit. Sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, and whatever. Err. Bambows, I mean.
3 comments:
I don't know you in person, obviously, but I think you're doing the right thing! I'm sure he'll have a vocabulary explosion on his own - he sounds so bright and communicative - but it can't hurt to talk to someone about it. Also, I've heard that many boys are late talkers but start speaking in sentences when they do start to talk. Good luck!
I know that this must feel completely freaky and invasive, but you are covering all of your bases and acting with all of your resources in hand. Yes, it would feel judgmental to have the state pop in for a visit, but they are taking into consideration that you called them.. You are acting wisely and utilizing preventative methods in addition to your inherent rockin' maternal skills. It would be different if they were referred from an outside source. I think it is good to see what resources are available for you. Personally, I think Sam is going to be fine! But, I would have done the same thing that you did..because you are a great mom!
Can't wait to see you!
Calling was probably the right thing. I don't think he will but if Sam does need help he will get it. If he doesn't, your mind is at ease. Your home is a terrific environment for a child, you and Aaron give Sam good attention. You both are so observant of the world around you and want Sam to experience it. A visit to your home will be fine. It is a very comfortable, warm and inviting place.
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