stuff n stuff

I am a single mom for a couple of days. Aaron is off to Nebraska (of all places) for one-night art exhibition. He had planned to do this last winter but a terrible storm and car accident kept him from it. So he rescheduled for this weekend. He's sick, though, and that will make it a challenge to do the long drive for such a short show. But he has left. He's going for it.

Sam just went down to nap.

But I'm not alone. Meg is just across the river and can help out, and Aaron's mom is actually coming to visit on Saturday. And I just got a message that she might come tomorrow night. So maybe I just have to manage one night on my own.

Things remain busy and scattered. I feel so all over the place. Like I can't keep up with seemingly simple things. Stuff I feel like I should be able to handle easily. I forget stuff. I ask stupid questions. This move has been hard for me and I'm not entirely sure why. Sure, it's change. And it's scary commitment. And it's hard to move with a toddler. And I'm not able to get enough sleep. And I don't do well with not enough sleep. And there is just so much going on. Already we've had a leaky shower, a clogged sewer line. (I seem to often have water problems where I live and blame it on my completely water-lacking astrological chart -- you astrologers reading this can tell me if that is nonsense -- it may well be.) We have all this other stuff we want to do to the house. It's easy to drop too much money on it, here and there. And then things like Comcast accidentally charging us a second installation fee don't help. I get so angry with Comcast it's silly. I'm only doing one job right now -- teaching. So I feel like I should be on top of everything. But I feel so completely not on top. It's exhausting.

Today I went to a playgroup through the mom meetup.com group here in town! Yay me! But I completely failed. I didn't introduce myself to people, though some people introduced themselves to me. And Sam was being completely shy too (gee, where does he get that??) So pretty much Sam and I played by ourselves while other moms and toddlers played nearby. Maybe I'm forcing it. Maybe I don't need more mom friends. I dunno. I would probably try again. Maybe an indoor setting works better because Sam and I can't just run off to another part of the park or whatever. The park the playgroup met at was right near our house, though, so we were able to walk to and from. But I didn't take the stroller because it is rocky/hilly terrain taking the back path there. And on our way home, we completely got soaked in an unexpected warm summer rain. It was actually pretty fun.

Aaron is doing better than I am at meeting other parents and toddlers. When I'm teaching he often takes Sam to play at the little park near our house and he has met neighboring families. So that's good. Sam, I guess, is still very reserved in those groups. Yet, he's very outgoing at the library lap-sit, which Aaron takes him to (again, while I teach). So I think he just takes a bit to warm up.

I have also been shopping around for a daycare. Aaron will be going to Iceland for an artist residency at the end of August. He will be gone two weeks. It is the first two weeks of the semester and I can't take the whole time off. So I am going to need help. Luckily, it seems some of our friends will be able to watch him a few mornings each week, so I'll take some vacation time but get some work time in. Still, I think it might be good to have more of a scheduled group socialization opportunity for Sam. I don't want him to be too shy or uncomfortable around other kids. And sometimes I really do think that preschools are becoming more and more necessary, just because more and more kids do them. It's almost expected that by kindergarten kids have already had some sort of "schooling". Plus, I do sorta wonder if other people know more how to teach my child stuff than I do -- I mean, I really don't know much about early childhood development and though it's interesting, I don't think I'd be able to learn it all just to teach my own children. I don't know. He's only two. There is time for all of this. But I will say shopping around for a daycare is hard. It's hard to know the right questions to ask. It's hard to find a program that does what you want. I am guessing we'll be waiting another year. But, I guess that's good, because waitlists can take a while.

wet from the rain