stuff n stuff

I am a single mom for a couple of days. Aaron is off to Nebraska (of all places) for one-night art exhibition. He had planned to do this last winter but a terrible storm and car accident kept him from it. So he rescheduled for this weekend. He's sick, though, and that will make it a challenge to do the long drive for such a short show. But he has left. He's going for it.

Sam just went down to nap.

But I'm not alone. Meg is just across the river and can help out, and Aaron's mom is actually coming to visit on Saturday. And I just got a message that she might come tomorrow night. So maybe I just have to manage one night on my own.

Things remain busy and scattered. I feel so all over the place. Like I can't keep up with seemingly simple things. Stuff I feel like I should be able to handle easily. I forget stuff. I ask stupid questions. This move has been hard for me and I'm not entirely sure why. Sure, it's change. And it's scary commitment. And it's hard to move with a toddler. And I'm not able to get enough sleep. And I don't do well with not enough sleep. And there is just so much going on. Already we've had a leaky shower, a clogged sewer line. (I seem to often have water problems where I live and blame it on my completely water-lacking astrological chart -- you astrologers reading this can tell me if that is nonsense -- it may well be.) We have all this other stuff we want to do to the house. It's easy to drop too much money on it, here and there. And then things like Comcast accidentally charging us a second installation fee don't help. I get so angry with Comcast it's silly. I'm only doing one job right now -- teaching. So I feel like I should be on top of everything. But I feel so completely not on top. It's exhausting.

Today I went to a playgroup through the mom meetup.com group here in town! Yay me! But I completely failed. I didn't introduce myself to people, though some people introduced themselves to me. And Sam was being completely shy too (gee, where does he get that??) So pretty much Sam and I played by ourselves while other moms and toddlers played nearby. Maybe I'm forcing it. Maybe I don't need more mom friends. I dunno. I would probably try again. Maybe an indoor setting works better because Sam and I can't just run off to another part of the park or whatever. The park the playgroup met at was right near our house, though, so we were able to walk to and from. But I didn't take the stroller because it is rocky/hilly terrain taking the back path there. And on our way home, we completely got soaked in an unexpected warm summer rain. It was actually pretty fun.

Aaron is doing better than I am at meeting other parents and toddlers. When I'm teaching he often takes Sam to play at the little park near our house and he has met neighboring families. So that's good. Sam, I guess, is still very reserved in those groups. Yet, he's very outgoing at the library lap-sit, which Aaron takes him to (again, while I teach). So I think he just takes a bit to warm up.

I have also been shopping around for a daycare. Aaron will be going to Iceland for an artist residency at the end of August. He will be gone two weeks. It is the first two weeks of the semester and I can't take the whole time off. So I am going to need help. Luckily, it seems some of our friends will be able to watch him a few mornings each week, so I'll take some vacation time but get some work time in. Still, I think it might be good to have more of a scheduled group socialization opportunity for Sam. I don't want him to be too shy or uncomfortable around other kids. And sometimes I really do think that preschools are becoming more and more necessary, just because more and more kids do them. It's almost expected that by kindergarten kids have already had some sort of "schooling". Plus, I do sorta wonder if other people know more how to teach my child stuff than I do -- I mean, I really don't know much about early childhood development and though it's interesting, I don't think I'd be able to learn it all just to teach my own children. I don't know. He's only two. There is time for all of this. But I will say shopping around for a daycare is hard. It's hard to know the right questions to ask. It's hard to find a program that does what you want. I am guessing we'll be waiting another year. But, I guess that's good, because waitlists can take a while.

wet from the rain

TWO YEARS!

So somehow the days just keep going by. I wake up at 6:45 and before I know it it's 10 pm. And in the midst of all of that, my little one has been with us for two years! two whole years! Today, we wish Mr. Sam a great big happy birthday!!!

He is currently napping.

We have moved to our new house. From move til today, sleep has been erratic I guess. It's not missing, but it starts late and ends early. So today he woke up at 7:30 despite going to bed at 10 or maybe later, so he crashed at noon on our way home from the zoo. Hopefully he'll get a nice long nap and we can get back to our regular sleep routine. Tough to have him tired and cranky on his birthday!

We converted his crib to a toddler bed. Jumping the gun? I dunno. So far he has rolled off onto the floor twice. Last night was the second time. Poor guy. SO sad to wake to him crying and pick him up off the floor, shocked, tired, and probably in pain.

This morning we got a donut and went to the zoo! Lafayette has a neat little free zoo that they are expanding all the time. They have a great wallaby "exhibit" and the wallabies have little joeys in their pouches! And the river otters are really fun too. Always swimming around. There is one of those tubes that kids can crawl through too and Sam always likes that. He might like the old-fashioned tractor by the petting zoo the most though.

His grandma is getting to town in about an hour (Aaron is picking her up in Indy right now). We will have a simple Sam dinner (grilled cheese and tomato soup) and cake and ice cream. And, of course, presents! Sam is starting to get into presents -- curious to open boxes and see what's hiding under paper. So that's fun.

Non-birthday updates:
Adjusting to the new house is going well. The first week was rough. Really missed the yard and land around the old place. We also had a leaking shower that required different plumbers to come and fix over the span of like four days. They inevitably would show up when Sam was (*finally*) napping, the dogs would go nuts, and there went the nap. And we couldn't shower. So it was rough. Dogs were having trouble adjusting to lack of privacy/yard and having strangers in their house. Aaron and I were seriously tired because moving with a toddler is HARD. You do not have nearly the time to settle and all of that that you did pre-kid. We had to wait until after 10 pm or so to get unpacking and settling in. Oi. But, finally, on Thursday we got internet so we could finally feel like home. Pathetic, but it did really feel that way. Plus, we're all just getting used to the new surroundings and dogs are getting used to being in a neighborhood again. I, however, cannot wait to get a fence installed.

I'm still tired and scatter-brained and feel like I'm all over the place, but we're settling in. Seems like it's taking forever.

Sam continues to grow like crazy before our eyes. He is talking so much more now. Sometimes it takes me a minute to realize what he's saying, but out of the blue he'll say some new word like "stairs" or "towel". He combines two words frequently; not usually three. He likes to play pretend. We have changed Mr. T's diaper, marched dinosaur toys around, pretended to be airplanes, or sleeping, or whatever. Two is a very fun age. He's getting bigger all the time. He is such a kid. I really think I need to find playgroups for him and stuff, but I'm terrible at it. I've started to look into daycares, but no obvious winners there. I had joined a mom group through meetup.com but so far have not really found a way in, despite some meager attempts. Hopefully I'll figure something out.

So that is that. Now for a few pics:

Signing "Mom" and saying it too

Signing and saying "Dad" (or "dee")

Signing "Sam"! We came up with a sign for Sam -- Thumbs Up!

The elephant sculpture at the zoo. He always puts his head under the trunk to get wet.

He loves drinking fountains.

The tunnel at the otter exhibit

Tractor fun!

First time we've done one of these. They had a step for Sam to step on.

The Erlewines found out Sam was into Dinos. Nuf said.

Toddler Tummy

Oh and a frustrating and confusing rant about Sam's digestion and such -- experienced parents feel free to offer suggestions.

Sam had diarrhea for probably more than two weeks. After just over a week of it not sorting itself out, we went to see the doctor. The doctor had us collect a stool sample to test for parasites. Have you ever had to collect a stool sample for a non-potty trained kid?? They want you to line their diaper with plastic to collect it. So uncomfortable! It kept going up his but cheeks. Poor kid. So we got a sample and turned it in. Didn't hear from them didn't hear from them, then the doc called to say they needed more! So Aaron goes out to the lab and gets another specimen cup. They need to do a blood cult test. They want to see if there is bleeding in the intestines. So they give him the cup and say he can do that or do this hemocult (sp?) card thing. So we decide to do the cup because we didn't know what to do with the cup. By this point it's a good week since our doc appointment and Sam's stool is firming up anyway. But finally we collect it; it's after hours so we refrigerate it and intend to bring it to the doc the next day. We don't. So the day after that (now Friday) I call the nurse to see if it's too old. She said probably, most of the time it has to be within 48 hours, but I should take it in and ask. I take it in and ask and they said it had to be within 24 hours and I should just do the card anyway. I *politely* explain how this is stupid because we've wasted all this time and I'm probably the irritated overly vocal mother that embarrasses everyone. Anyway we plan to do the card and they throw away the old poop that has been sitting in our fridge!! Then another nurse calls to check back with me and explain that the poop has to be back within like TWO - FOUR hours or something. I'm like "how is that supposed to work??" They don't understand why it's a problem -- "oh, do you live out of town?" No, but we share one car, and there is nap time, and he often goes in the evening, and.... anyway finally someone tells me I can go to the hospital to drop off the sample if I need to after hours. Regardless, in this instance we just need to do the card. Fine. I will do the card. By now Sam's poop is back to normal. OH and this last nurse finally told me that there weren't parasites, so I guess that's good news.

Augh. So frustrating.

Now, however, Sam is back to very slow bowel movements -- like every three days. Three days!! He is drinking lots of fluids, eats wheat and whole grain, might have too much dairy, eats fruits and veggies. We now give him the yogurt with the bacteria for healthy digestion...We know to ease up on bananas, rice, applesauce... I worry about this kid. Hmm.

Also -- I'm pretty sure Sam was doing some teething when the diarrhea hit. Moms out there -- did your kids get this when teething?

Ah, to blog about poop. I have no shame.

Craziness

I need to update my banner. Silly to see winter Sam in the hot and humid summer weather. I guess it's kind of refreshing though.

So, when I post so infrequently it leaves too much to say that I don't know what to say.

We are still trying to buy a house. Today is the 25th. We were supposed to close today. Didn't happen. Supposed to close Monday, won't happen. So now the goal is Tuesday. I hope it happens. The couple who took over our lease needs to get in the night of the 30th. Oi. That's Wednesday. We have to be out by Wednesday. We have a lot of stuff packed. We have a lot more packing to do. But instead I'm writing this blog. Aaron is doing some packing. I have a hard time knowing what packing to do next. Like I need to clear things out before I can know what to pack up. We're running out of boxes. I don't know how many dishes to keep out. I've already had to dig things out of boxes that were already packed.

I'm a sloppy packer. I pack ahead and I seal boxes and everything -- it's not like I'm packing as I load the truck. But I will pack things that fit the box well or balance the weight load instead of good sorting. Aaron is a good sorter, good organizer. I make boxes full of miscellaneous things and label them "liz miscellaneous" this has been a joke amongst us for a good long while.

I'm scared that we're buying this house. It is a cute house. It is a small house. It is on a good street near nice parks with good schools, close to campus, close to the library, close to restaurants...we got a great down payment deal. I should feel confident in this choice. But I'm having cold feet. Home ownership is exciting but always more money, more work, more commitment than it seems at first. These are things that are good about it too -- you get to put money into it, you get to accrue money in it, you get to make it your own. But every little problem you have with it is you problem, and it is a burden. But I think it will be ok. I'm scared to have close neighbors. I hope they are ok. I'm nervous about "settling" though it's something I've wanted for a long time.

A lot of my insecurities come up just because of lack of confidence. I'm teaching again. Bring on the self doubt. The class is going well, the students are good workers -- it's all fine. But if there is anything to ruffle my feathers it's teaching. I guess it just isn't for me. I keep thinking with more experience I will gain confidence. But you know what? I guess I've been doing this for five years now -- how much experience do I need?? (it has been on and off for five years though). Anyway, that kind of insecurity just makes me insecure about all of my life choices and all of that. But really things are good. I should feel good. And I think I do feel good. Most of the time.

We are busy. Too busy. I'm working full time -- or just under, with the gallery and teaching. I can't believe there are couples where both parents work full time. Yikes. We are exhausted even with this arrangement. I get home from an 8-hour day and I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to pack, to clean house, to entertain Sam with something better than a movie or lying next to him while he plays with cars on our bed. It's terrible. It's terrible to not have the energy for my son. I sorta feel like I'm a wimp. There are so many parents that do this all the time. Surely they don't neglect their children all the time like the way I feel I'm doing? I guess that's extreme. It's not really neglectful. But it sure isn't what I would want it to be.

And then I feel neglectful of my spouse. Our summer at one point was going to be very relaxed; I would work some and Aaron would have time for his art. His time is now all for Sam and moving and house chores. It's taking it's toll.

But we will get through it. It isn't long now, actually. We should close next week. We should move next week. I'll take time off of the gallery next week, only teaching (four hours/day, three days/week). Then I'll work one more week at the gallery and be off until August. Then I have the two job overlap again for a week, then it's back to the gallery only. So it will ease up. Of course Aaron is traveling all over the country and world with art shows, so we'll see how we sort that out. If anyone wants to come watch Sam for a couple of weeks in August, let me know!

I started looking into daycare options in the fall. I thought maybe two half days a week would help. Sam is more into playing with kids and we don't do that too much. And it would ease things up for the two working parents. But I dunno. It's expensive; it's scary. Aaron is probably teaching just two days/week next term, so alternating schedules won't be too bad. I don't know. OH! this is also instigated because the past two years we've had a cheap and reliable sitter living next door -- Meg! But now we're moving, and so is she. She got a good job downtown and just leased a sweet apartment above some downtown shops. Very cool.

So it's change, change, change. But I guess it's good. It is exhausting.

A mixture of pictures:

Playing guitar over video chat with Grandpa

Washing his car. Serious business.

Cake is way more important than smiling for the camera. (Aaron's bday!!)

More serious car washing

Hallway in the house that may soon to be ours.

Living room.

Kitchen

Showing body parts.

This is Sam's pout. He is a total 2 year old. If he doesn't get what he wants, we see this face in an instant. We probably give in too much. Here, he wants me to put the camera away.

My beautiful boy.

Mom, put the camera away!

This is my Sam.

yeah

So I am finally posting. It has taken so long to post that I no longer wanted to post because there is too much to say, and where do I begin?

I will begin with Sam and his talking, since that's where things left off.
The kid talks. He may still be behind his peers, but he talks. Since last post, the assessment team suggested Sam get speech therapy twice a week. We did one session with the speech therapist and she said that she was surprised they recommended so much therapy. Schedules got busy, almost every day Sam would learn a new word, so we quit therapy. This past weekend we went to visit family in Ohio, and that really encouraged Sam to speak more -- all the new people to communicate with, one of them a very talkative 2 1/2 year old. So now Sam just keeps saying more and more words and putting two and three word combinations together. Sometimes I don't understand him, but he sure is trying. He likes to say "Meg Home" and "Big Building" and "Big Car" and "Pink Ball", the other day he started saying "run" and this morning he said "keys" for the first time. He still does a lot of signing too.

Other than that, the big news is we're in the middle of buying a house!! I still have some jitters and anxiety about this commitment. After owning a home in Michigan for only a short time, Aaron and I were pretty convinced that if we were to buy a house again, it was going to be IT. THE home. I don't know that this is IT. We're not so married to West Lafayette. But we are here. And we like a lot of things about being here. The cost of living is so low and I like my job. But mostly this incredible deal turned up for a cute little bungalow in a neighborhood we like. With parks nearby and good schools for Sam and we can still walk to campus. So, we went for it. We are well on our way and scheduled to close June 30! We have recently submitted our inspection addendum with the fixes we hope they will make, and now we're waiting to hear back from the seller. I hope it all works out ok.

I am still working at the gallery and I'll be teaching a class at Purdue starting mid-month. It ends the beginning of August.

I guess that's a superficial update about what's up with us. Now I'm going to see if I can lie down for a few before Sam wakes from his nap, which could be any minute...

Assessment

Sam was assessed today!

So between filing the initial paperwork and having the assessment Sam learned: yes (nodding only, though he did say it once), no, ing-ing (for Ingrid in AZ), deedee (for kitty), boat, bone (pointed to a dog bone in an illustration in one of his books and said "bone"), plane, mo (more) ... maybe there are even more words. If I were to be making the decision today about whether to make the request for the assessment, I'm not sure I would. I know he is still technically behind in his speaking, but at the rate he's picking things up, I'm less worried now than I was a month or so ago.

Anyway, we followed through with the assessment. Two women came out -- I can't remember if one specialized in one thing and the other another. At first they seemed cold. They pulled up in separate cars and were each on their cell phones. I warned them about the dogs, we started to go inside and of course the dogs were barking. I asked them if they wanted/were able to do the assessment outside and they said yes, so that's what we did. Much nicer!!

They were impressed with how bright Sam was and he seemed to be able to do all the tasks they were looking for. He played nicely with them and was very quick to pick up new games. In the end, both women were really quite friendly. I asked what would happen next. They will submit the paperwork and the intake person I spoke with before will get back in touch with me. There is a speech delay, and they believe he will most likely qualify for therapy. But they also indicated that that doesn't mean I have to do it. They couldn't tell for sure if he wasn't speaking because he COULDN'T or because he didn't WANT to. Most likely it's just that he doesn't want to/doesn't have to. Usually if there is a muscle problem or physical problem keeping him from speaking, we would see problems in eating (and we certainly don't have that!). They didn't see any other sign that there was anything wrong -- just that he isn't talking at the rate that most kids are at his age.

So annoying that I really don't have any more information yet. It is not likely that there is a problem with his development, but he's not talking. We could do speech therapy. We don't have to. We could wait another three months and see. I should probably try to encourage him to speak more. And I should probably get him socializing with other kids more. Ugh. So far I haven't been able to get myself to do the play group thing. Guess I should try more!

Sam Stuff

There have been a lot of things I've felt like making notes about, but haven't gotten around to. So this post will be a random selection of stories and observations...

Sam and fast food
So the other night I didn't feel like cooking and Aaron and I were running around doing other things so we decided to pick up dinner. We decided to go to Dog 'n' Suds -- a drive-in sort of serve-you-in-the car hot dog and root beer stand. But the weather was a little chilly and we weren't really wanting to sit in the car so we couldn't decide whether to follow through with the plan. Aaron and I are going back and forth about this in the front seats, and Sam is quietly listening in the back. At one point Aaron and I decided not to get the food -- Sam started crying. I looked back and he was rubbing his tummy, signing hungry. He completely was following our conversation! So then we decided to go ahead and get food and soon as we pulled up to order, Sam started giggling and clapping. Ok, so this is not like unusual or anything, but it is funny and it still amazes me that my little baby has transformed into a kid who wants hot dogs and burgers.

Sam and late nights
Sam has gotten into a bad sleep schedule. I can't remember how it started, but one night last week Sam wanted to stay up and watch movies, eat popcorn, and cuddle on the couch. Aaron was gone and it sounded like the perfect evening activity. So I let him. He's been going to bed at 10 every night now. Negligent mom! All because I want to sit and watch movies and eat popcorn with him... Well last night we got him to bed at 9:30 so we'll ease back to a better bed time.

Sam and sleeping
However, Sam is now SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!! MOST nights!! He goes down, and doesn't wake until sometime between 6 and 8 in the morning. What the heck?? Where did this come from?? Not that I'm complaining. But the first few nights I would wake up all nervous and confused because Sam hadn't woken and/or wasn't in our bed. the past couple nights it is very warm at bedtime and then gets very chilly during the night. He half wakes all cold, with his blankets off him, curled into a little ball. We hear his cry and go get him and bring him into our warm bed. Any ideas to deal with the warm going to bed and cold waking up? I don't want to put more pjs on him because he'd be too hot going to sleep, but he always ends up kicking the blanket off. Hmm. Poor little guy.
Anyway I feel like this whole sleeping thing makes me think that no matter what you try to do, your kid will do what he's ready to do when he's ready to do it.

Sam and Harry Potter
So, um, Sam loves Harry Potter. And since his mom is a Harry Potter fan too, she's sorta proud and sorta embarrassed. Sam loves to play being a wizard -- picking up any stick or pen and pretending it's a wand, stunning you. So fun. So cute. I mean, my kid is playing pretend! What fun! But I also feel a little mother guilt or something 'cause maybe it's not good to let your toddler watch scary movies like Harry Potter. And he loves the scary parts too -- like the big spiders and stuff. Sam even reenacts scenes from the movie and has signs to request certain parts.

Sam and socializing
We still go to the library, but Sam is very shy these days. He will say hi to other kids, and loves to watch kids, but he stays pretty close to mom. He is learning new words but still hesitant for talking, though he does a lot more "pretend" talking now, sounding like he's talking in sentences of gibberish. He even has "conversations" on the phone now! Which consist of a good hello and good bye and some mixture of words and sign language in the middle.

And now, for some reason, he's not going down to his nap. This is all a result of our weird sleep schedule, I think. So I guess I should check on him. But that's what's new with us. Spring and playing. Work is still going ok though I've had some rough moments. I still want to buy a house, but we're nearly convinced we should wait. I mean, we are convinced...but I still look at what's on the market...hmmm